The Leaky Letito

I could not believe it.
 
Who would have thought that the Japanese could possibly upstage themselves in the toilet department?

But they did.

You heard me.  The country responsible for the S400 Luxury Washlet, the toilet complete with a 3 temperature setting warm air dryer, heated seat, wireless remote control, and front and rear washing capabilities has released a new product. 

A scathingly brilliant product:  Letito Emergency Disposable Toilet Bags.

Because guess what?  If there’s no running water, your $5,000 luxury toilet will start to smell like an outhouse after a few…um… deposits.

No amount of Poo-Pourri  will make that privy passable.

According to the Letito advertising materials:  When an emergency strikes you may be without running water for quite some time.  What do you do about basic human functions?

(As a side note, I know the answer to that question.  You see, I am a survivor of the infamous city of Cayce 2011 water main break.  And there were a whole lot of humans in my office whose basic functions functioned.  It was not a pretty picture.)   

The Letito fits all toilets, not just luxury ones. 

And when you’re done using your Letito bag, you can just sling it over your shoulder and carry it to your next waterless toilet.   Or shopping.  

Talk about functional fashion!

Letito bags come with an absorbent sheet that results in “less odor and leakage than a regular bag”.

Wait. One. Minute.  

LESS leakage? 

If there were ever an instance where I would want a bag to be leak-proof, this would be it.  Can you imagine what people would think if they saw sewage seeping from my Letito?

I have a reputation to protect. 

I know what you’re thinking.  I should make my own Nerdling Letito bags.  Ones that don’t leak.

Nah.  I have a better idea.

Introducing the Nerdling Letito for the Go-Girl!  Guaranteed not to leak.  Simply zip lock the bag when done.

My lawyer insists that I include the following small print:  works best with tiny bladders. 

Aiming to Please

Good help is hard to find.  And it is near impossible to coerce either one of the two people I live with to take a stinkin' picture! 

In fact, they seem to have sunk to new levels.   

Linda is acting like I’m asking her to take a picture of a decomposing corpse.   “I’m not getting anywhere near that disgusting thing.”

“My Go-Girl is not disgusting”, I declared, defensively.

“You used it already, didn’t you?”

“Yes I did,” I replied.   “And it works great!”  

Of course I used it!  A good photographer does her homework:  studies the surrounding,  checks the lighting,  and tests the equipment prior to beginning the photo shoot.   

And after I test drove my Go-Girl I washed it with soap and warm water, as per the directions.   I left it on the counter to air dry.

“Mom EUUUUUUU!  Get that off the counter.  It’s disgusting.”
 
OMG, is this the same teenager who had mold growing on a plate in her closet last week?
 
“Make Dad take the pictures,"  she said, racing out of the room with her fingers covering her nostrils.

But the only way Dave will take a picture for me is if he can take it while laying down on the couch in the family room.  Between innings on the baseball game he’s watching.  

I really didn’t want to pee in the family room.   Who pees in their family room?
 
But Dave told me I could pee in the family room if I used a bucket.   

COME ON!  He is seriously missing the point.  You don’t need a bucket if you have a Go-Girl.   You can pee anywhere you want to with a Go-Girl! 

I could pee in the bushes in my back yard if I wanted to.  Just like a man.

BTW- Barbie had her own ideas for the Go-Girl.  Apparently, she was still pouting about the Nerdling Makeover and decided that the Go-Girl made a good hat.  That coincidentally hid her new hairdo.

Very funny, Barbie.

I get no respect in this house.  Who needs them anyhow?   In addition to being a gifted writer, inventor and cosmetologist, I take outstanding photographs.  Plus, I’m ambidextrous.

So I went into the bathroom, lifted the lid, and with one hand on the camera and one hand on the Go-Girl I proceeded to pee like a man.

And I learned an important lesson.  

It’s very difficult to aim a Go-Girl and a camera at the same time.  My aim was a wee bit off. 

Which reminds me of a sign I saw in a restaurant bathroom once.

 
That's when I realized just how effective my Go-Girl is.  

 I peed just like a man.

Protecting My Investment

As you may have heard, I have recently invested in a new toilet seat for my home. It’s extremely high tech, with built in QSC ("Quiet Seat Close") capabilities.  

In an effort to protect my toilet seat investment (and increase my home value) I’m considering adding another feature to my high class bathroom: a Gold Man Toilet Attachment..  

This magical device “promises to turn an ordinary toilet into a urinal.”

It's simple to use.  You place the Gold Man Attachment onto the toilet,  aim, and go.  The attachment guarantees that the pee makes it into the toilet with little or no mess! 

(And is it me, or does anyone else think the Gold Man Attachment looks like a tea pot--instead of a pee pot?)

I know what you're thinking, girls.  Why should guys have all the fun?!! 

That's exactly what I was thinking!  Girls, you, too, can enjoy the Gold Man Attachment. All you need is your Go-Girl Portable Urinary Device (see blog: Wake Me Up Before You Go Girl-May 6, 2011). You simply pee into the Go-Girl, and (carefully) aim for the Gold Man Attachment.

Admittedly, using the Go-Girl/Gold Man combination is slightly more complicated than simply sitting on the QSC to Pee, but it’s twice the fun (and challenge)!

I would be remiss if I didn't point out another benefit to the Gold Man Attachment. It is extremely effective as a puke receptacle... especially if you have bad knees.

The Gold Man Attachment is very easy to clean.  It, like the Go-Girl, is dish washer safe.

Wait a minute!!! I just noticed that the www.goldmanworld.com website is no longer active. But guess what? I think I can make my own Gold Man Attachment!

All I need is a trash can and some scissors.

And maybe a little duct tape.