The Leaky Letito

I could not believe it.
 
Who would have thought that the Japanese could possibly upstage themselves in the toilet department?

But they did.

You heard me.  The country responsible for the S400 Luxury Washlet, the toilet complete with a 3 temperature setting warm air dryer, heated seat, wireless remote control, and front and rear washing capabilities has released a new product. 

A scathingly brilliant product:  Letito Emergency Disposable Toilet Bags.

Because guess what?  If there’s no running water, your $5,000 luxury toilet will start to smell like an outhouse after a few…um… deposits.

No amount of Poo-Pourri  will make that privy passable.

According to the Letito advertising materials:  When an emergency strikes you may be without running water for quite some time.  What do you do about basic human functions?

(As a side note, I know the answer to that question.  You see, I am a survivor of the infamous city of Cayce 2011 water main break.  And there were a whole lot of humans in my office whose basic functions functioned.  It was not a pretty picture.)   

The Letito fits all toilets, not just luxury ones. 

And when you’re done using your Letito bag, you can just sling it over your shoulder and carry it to your next waterless toilet.   Or shopping.  

Talk about functional fashion!

Letito bags come with an absorbent sheet that results in “less odor and leakage than a regular bag”.

Wait. One. Minute.  

LESS leakage? 

If there were ever an instance where I would want a bag to be leak-proof, this would be it.  Can you imagine what people would think if they saw sewage seeping from my Letito?

I have a reputation to protect. 

I know what you’re thinking.  I should make my own Nerdling Letito bags.  Ones that don’t leak.

Nah.  I have a better idea.

Introducing the Nerdling Letito for the Go-Girl!  Guaranteed not to leak.  Simply zip lock the bag when done.

My lawyer insists that I include the following small print:  works best with tiny bladders. 

Bumper Dumping

I never intended to publish 3 toilet-themed posts in a row.  

I have a reputation to protect.  Notes from a Nerdling is a highly intellectual, educational blog.

Stop laughing.   

It really was unintentional.  I accidentally happened upon the Bumper Dumper while innocently surfing the web.  

Come on, guys?  How could I possibly resist sharing this amazing apparatus with my readers?

The Bumper Dumper is exactly as it sounds: a toilet seat attached to a steel frame that hooks on to a trailer hitch converting the back of your vehicle into your very own port-a-potty. 

I mean, think about it.  This product is life changing!  No more having to wait for nasty, inconvenient road side rests!  

If you have to “drop a deuce” (I learned that from the Poo-Pourri commercial), all you have to do is pull over to the side of the road, attach your Bumper Dumper to the trailer hitch and drop!

And, like Poo-Pourri, Bumper Dumper has a kick-ass slogan: "When it comes to #2, we are #1”.  
 
And it is sturdy.  Bumper Dumper will hold up to 500 pounds.  (Doesn’t that just elicit the most disturbing fascinating images?)

The Bumper Dumper sells for $59.99. 

Being a cheapskate frugal, I would never spend that much money without first reading product reviews on Amazon.com. 

And I’m so glad I did! This guy had a lot of good advice:

Forget the bucket, just use the ring seat and this device can be, all kidding aside, a lifesaver. Toss the five gallon bucket, it's useless and the manufacturer just puts that on the photos so the EPA doesn't make a stink about it.

That’s great, because the Bumper Dumper does not come with a bucket! 

And check out these great user tips!

Keep feet out in front of you like you're on an elementary school swing--the ground splatter can be unsightly on your Gore-tex hikers.

Woah.  That's good to know.

Sometimes it's nice to relax, grab an LL Bean sale catalog, drink some java and enjoy the morning. The bumper dumper allows you to be civil and to really pass the time outdoors. I hold my pinkie out when I drink from my coffee cup on the bumper dumper. I probably wouldn't bother with that if I was just taking a dookie over a log.

"Can someone please pass the Grey Poupon." You'll feel like King Edward on his throne gazing down on his subjects: a squirrel, a blue jay, a couple of chipmunks, an army of ants. That's the cool thing about this dumper. It makes you feel all kingly. 

 What a fantastic customer experience!  I’ve got goosebumps.

Tip: if you are using this product in an urban setting--for instance, parallel parked next to a busy sidewalk-- it's crucial to wear a rain poncho so that it hangs down below the seat and keeps you covered. Passersby will think you're just sitting on a chair, expecting rain and reading a newspaper. Just wave to them, as cool as a cucumber, like nothing’s going on.

That will be no problem for me at all, considering my brilliant acting skills.

I do suggest, however, that you hold the poncho out to the sides at the moment of purge as any ill-timed breeze will blow the plastic cloth right under the seat. Not good. Trust me, it's a real bear to drive a few hundred miles in the humid summertime with a "dirty poncho" under your seat. I've made this ghastly error once. Notice, I said "once".
 
On second thought...

I think I’ll wait for the rest stop.

It Happens

You’ve all been there.

Perhaps it's what you ate for lunch.  Or where you ate.  Or something has you worried.

You have to go.  Badly.

But you’re not at home.  You’re at work. Or at a friend’s house. 

And you know that if your go, every breathing organism within 120 square yards will know what you were doing behind that closed door.

Of course, I have never personally experienced this scenario.

My poo doesn’t smell.

But this blog is not about me.  It is my social responsibility to identify and recommend products that may benefit my readers.  

You’re welcome.

(Although, admittedly, I will peripherally benefit from others’ usage of this product.)

The product to which I am referring is Poo-Pourri.  How can you not admire a product with a brand promise of: “Our business is to make it smell like your business never even happened”?

Poo-Pourri is a fragrance which is sprayed into the toilet before you “drop a deuce”.  (I learned that term from the Poo-Pourri video.  I'm gonna start using it.). 

I know what you’re thinking.  

How can spraying fragrance into a toilet stop the smell?  

Great question!  Poo-Pourri leaves a protective layer of essential oils that traps odors under water (in their porcelain prison).

But that is not all.   

This product not only masks unwanted odors, it ostensibly cleans the toilet bowl, erasing all evidence of the deposit.  (It may take 2 or 3 flushes if your skid marks are as tenacious as the spokeswoman’s.)

Sadly, I will not be able to test drive this product, since, as I mentioned: My poo doesn’t smell. 

I just realized that this is my second post in a row dealing with pooping.  Between the Squatty Potty and the Poo-Pourri I have become somewhat of an expert in the art of Number 2. In fact, perhaps I should change careers, considering the wealth of knowledge I have achieved.  

I could be a stinkin’ Proctologist!

But  then again, I don’t think I have the stomach to deal with proctology exams.

Unless....

OMG!  I just had one of my many scathingly brilliant ideas.  

One squirt is all it takes!  And to all you Protologists out there?  

You're welcome.