Tyrannosaurus Rex Arms

I used to think that my inability to touch my toes in gym class had to do with flexiblity.  Or lack thereof.  True, I'm inflexible, but the underlying issue is my TRA.  Tyrannosaurus Rex arms.

Linda has just the opposite problem: gorilla arms.  She can scratch her ankle without bending her knees.

I became aware of this contrast when the girls were in school and had to abide by a dress code requiring their skirts to be no shorter than their fingertips.

As a result, Linda dressed like a Puritan, whereas I would be allowed to go to Middle School dressed like a street walker. 

Even with TRA I've always been able to scratch my back.  But now that I've torn my Rotator Cuff?  Impossible.

Which puts me in the market for a Back Scratcher.  I started my search on Amazon.  

I ask.  Why should cats have more options for scratching their backs than I?

Not to mention the fact that all the "people" Back Scratchers were boring.  Certainly no Barbie Back Scratchers to be found.

I decided to make my own.

I assembled four contestants for my Barbie Back Scratch Pageant Contest.

It's a little known fact that Barbie feet make excellent Back Scratchers. Unfortunately, Handicapped Barbie was quickly eliminated, since she has no feet.

Then there were three.

Pooper Scooper Barbie refused to remove her shoes so I gave her the boot.

Then there were two: Makeover Barbie  and Barbie with the Reattached Head that won't go all the way on.

I held a Back Scratch Off and it was no contest.

(Let's just say that Pooper Scooper Barbie should get a job at the Food Lion spa.)

Barbie with the Reattached Head has earned the position of Nerdling Back Scratcher.  

And it's a good thing she uses her feet.

Because her arms are really short.

Simply Serendipitous

As you know, one of my favorite hobbies is discovering unusual Japanese products and replicating them, using materials I find at the Dollar Store.

And blogging about my results.

At the risk of tooting my own horn, I have out-done myself again.  Without even one trip to the Dollar Store. 

It was simply serendipitous. 

The product that I was attempting to clone is a new Japanese Bikini my friend Jamie told me about.  The bikini bottom has no waist band or ties.  It snaps in place, ostensibly defying gravity.

Jamie showed me a YouTube video of a Japanese woman modelling the bikini.  The woman assumed a number of ridiculous unusual poses in an effort to demonstrate the amazing bikini’s aversion to gravity.

When I looked closer at the bikini bottoms, a light bulb went off in my head.   That Japanese Bikini bottom looked remarkably similar to a head band which I re-purposed as a Camel Toe Protector.

 Which I could re-re-purpose as a Nerdling Japanese Bikini!

So I went home and tried on my Nerdling Japanese Bikini.  It certainly looked good, but would it work?

I gingerly walked around the house.  It stayed put!

What if I danced?  I executed some of my most impressive Body Jam moves.   It didn’t move an inch.

But could I pogo stick in my Nerdling Japanese Bikini? 

No.  

Better put that in the fine print.  
 
Please notice how seriously I take my products and how thoroughly I test them.  I am trying to avoid any and all frivolous lawsuits should my Nerdling Japanese Bikini accidentally slip off some unsuspecting woman.

(I hate to disappoint my readers, but I decided not to include any photos of myself test-driving my Nerdling Japanese Bikini.  It’s not that I don’t look A-M-A-Z-I-N-G in it.  I just don’t want any frivolous lawsuits should someone see the pictures and end up with serious long-term psychological damage.)
 
So I decided that Barbie could model it. 

I could not find a Barbie Head Band, so I made one for her out of tin foil. 

I am a big supporter in Affirmative Action, so I chose Handicapped Barbie as my model (the one who bravely sacrificed her feet in my Barbie Foot Earring project).

And, since she is missing her feet, I had to prop the gimp on a wine glass.  

But, as you can see, the  Nerdling Japanese Bikini looks amazing on Handicapped Barbie.  Even from behind.

But, buyer be warned.

Do not wear your Nerdling Japanese Bikini while pogo sticking.