Sunday, December 29, 2013

Amputating Barbie

When I posted my question on Facebook regarding the best tool to amputate a Barbie ankle, I received a lot of helpful suggestions, ranging from toe nail clippers to bolt cutters.  

Other friends, taking into consideration Barbie’s make-up, suggested more powerful tools, such as a Ratcheting PVC Pipe cutter or a 4-inch grinder with a cutting wheel.

(Clearly these people don’t know who they’re dealing with.  Remember?  I’m the one who had to ask my husband what a wrench looked like when assembling my unicycle.) 

Only one friend asked me why I was going to amputate Barbie’s ankle, which in itself is curious.

Well, it all started with my exciting new used book, Regretsy, which highlights some of the most ridiculous items ever posted on Etsy.

Oh, how I love a good challenge.  And, as my readers know, I have a talent for making ridiculous items.   

Thank you.  

To that end, I decided to make Barbie Foot Earrings

I dragged Kimmy with me to Walmart to help me find the perfect pair of Barbie feet.  After considerable deliberation, we selected Raquelle, the Barbie with the fashionable fuchsia wedges. 

On the way out of the store I handed Kimmy the receipt and she said, “Why do you need that?”  
“In case I want to return it,” I said.

“Except she won’t have any feet,”
Kimmy responded, always one step ahead of the rest of us.

I said.  “I’ll say I just bought this Barbie and never noticed that her feet were missing until I got her home!"

Kimmy, of course, ignored me.

 I set up the surgical suite on the kitchen table, stocked with a wide array of impressive tools.

Don’t worry, Barbie,” I said, empathetically. 

“This is going to hurt you more than it hurts me.”  

Perhaps it’s a tribute to my culinary skills, that the bread knife was the most effective scalpel.

I realized that some of you may find me heartless.  A Jeffrey Dahlmer of sorts.  I get it.   Cutting off Barbie’s foot to enhance my jewelry collection may seem a bit narcissistic. 

But I am not entirely cold blooded.  See?  I treated Barbie’s wounds.

And I don’t know about you, but I think these Barbie Foot Earrings turned out AMAZING!

Another challenge met.  And exceeded.

But I have one challenge remaining.  

Off to Walmart.

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