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It has been over a year since I rolled out my Nerdling line of earrings. And the buyers at Tiffany’s and Nordstroms have been pestering me to release another design in time for the holiday season.
Apparently they cannot keep the Barbie Toilet Paper Earrings on the shelf. And the Barbie Amputated Foot Earrings have become a something of a collector’s item on the Hamptons.
I was faced with the same challenge that I’m certain Michaelangelo had when he finished painting the Sistine Chapel.
How can I possibly outdo myself?
I knew that my next design had to be unique, trendy and sophisticated. I decided to go to WalMart for ideas.
As luck would have it, I happened upon the Lollapalooza Diaper Surprise Doll. I had heard about this amazing doll but had never seen one in real life. Sinkin' amazing. You feed her, push her belly button and magic charms appear in her diaper!
OMG! I could make the next generation of Nerdling earrings out of the Lollapalooza's magic diaper charms!
I was getting goose bumps.
But she was $29.99, which was way out of my prototype jewelry budget. I was about to walk away when I noticed that WalMart sold the Diaper Surprise Diaper Packs separately. For a fraction of the price.
When I got home I had second thoughts. What if word got around that I harvested the diaper charms without a Lollapalooza doll? I was relatively certain that I could just pour water into the diaper and the magical charms would materialize, but that was cheating. And it felt wrong.
Plus, I have a reputation to protect.
Barbie offered to help, but she put me in an even worse mood. “Come on, Barbie. You are way too old for that diaper!”
Or too young.
In the end, I decided to pretend that a $29.99 doll was peeing into the diaper. Through a Go-Girl.
Admittedly, it was the most fun I’d had in weeks. That is, until I realized that the charms were made of plastic.
Pink plastic.
Earrings made of pink plastic were certainly not worthy of my Nerdling earring collection.
I decided to go back to the drawing board. Don't worry...I have another idea.
When I posted my question on Facebook regarding the best tool to amputate a Barbie ankle, I received a lot of helpful suggestions, ranging from toe nail clippers to bolt cutters.
Other friends, taking into consideration Barbie’s make-up, suggested more powerful tools, such as a Ratcheting PVC Pipe cutter or a 4-inch grinder with a cutting wheel.
(Clearly these people don’t know who they’re dealing with. Remember? I’m the one who had to ask my husband what a wrench looked like when assembling my unicycle.)
Only one friend asked me why I was going to amputate Barbie’s ankle, which in itself is curious.
Well, it all started with my exciting new used book, Regretsy, which highlights some of the most ridiculous items ever posted on Etsy.
Oh, how I love a good challenge. And, as my readers know, I have a talent for making ridiculous items.
Thank you.
To that end, I decided to make Barbie Foot Earrings.
I
dragged Kimmy with me to Walmart to help me find the perfect pair of
Barbie feet. After considerable deliberation, we selected Raquelle, the Barbie
with the fashionable fuchsia wedges.
On the way out of the store I handed Kimmy the receipt and she said, “Why do you need that?”
“In case I want to return it,” I said.
“Except she won’t have any feet,” Kimmy responded, always one step ahead of the rest of us.
“OOH!
OOH!” I said. “I’ll say I just bought this Barbie and never
noticed that her feet were missing until I got her home!"
Kimmy, of course, ignored me.
I set up the surgical suite on the kitchen table, stocked with a wide array of impressive tools.
“Don’t worry, Barbie,” I said, empathetically.
“This is going to hurt you more than it hurts me.”
Perhaps it’s a tribute to my culinary skills, that the bread knife was the most effective scalpel.
I realized that some of you may find me heartless. A Jeffrey Dahlmer of sorts. I get it. Cutting off Barbie’s foot to enhance my jewelry collection may seem a bit narcissistic.
But I am not entirely cold blooded. See? I treated Barbie’s wounds.
And I don’t know about you, but I think these Barbie Foot Earrings turned out AMAZING!
Another challenge met. And exceeded.
But I have one challenge remaining.
Off to Walmart.
Admittedly, it was the most fun I’d had in weeks. That is, until I realized that the charms were made of plastic. 
