The Incredible Shrinking Face

When I saw the ad for the Kogao! Double Face Mask I knew I needed to have one.  Immediately.  If not sooner.

For you see, having a smaller face is a symbol of beauty in Japan.  And I need all the beauty symbols I can get. 

According to the advertising: "the mask has been cleverly designed to apply pressure all across your visage and help keep your skin and muscles firm and youthful."

Clearly this Japanese beauty product will make my visage vibrant!

Allow me to interrupt this blog for a moment of academic enlightenment: Kogao means "small head" in Japan.  (I take pride in increasing my readers' IQs, one blog at a time.)

You're welcome.

The Kogao! Double Face Mask sells for $43 (plus shipping and handling) on the Japan Trend Shop web site.  

I'm sure few readers will be surprised to hear that I made my own Kogao! Double Face Mask.  But what will surprise (and impress you) is that I didn't even have to drive to The Dollar store to do so.

I used materials I found around the house. 

I created the mask using fabric left over from Kevin's Doggone Thong.


 

And I made the straps from a very cute but lonely orphan sock and a couple pieces of Velcro.

Call me old-fashioned, but I believe it is important to look good while you're shrinking your face.  You be the judge.  Which  looks more attractive?  The original?

Or the Nerdling version?


 

And I think it's working!  My head feels much smaller already, after just one bath!

 

Narrowing My Collection

My daughter Kimmy is going to be so excited.

 
I have completely outdone myself this time.  I have catapulted to a new pinnacle.

 

It is time for me to submit a video audition for Project Runway!  They need me.    

 
I am exactly what they are looking for.  I have the unique combination of creativity, fashion sense and personality to win the "$100,000 prize to start my own line, a fashion spread in Marie Claire magazine, a 2013 Lexus GS 350, a $50,000 technology suite by HP and Intel to create my own vision and run my business and the opportunity to design and sell an exclusive collection at Lord & Taylor."   (Now that's a mouthful!)

I'm certain my video will land me an audition, at which I must bring 5 or 6 of my garments that demonstrate my sewing skills and my fashion point of view.

Only 5 or 6?  How can I possibly narrow my collection down to 5 or 6?  Should I bring the Doggone Thong? 

My Arm Socks are certainly stylin'.  

And my Wine Holder Necklace is functional yet chic. 

Let's not forget the effective and elegant Camel Toe Cup. 
  

One thing's for sure.  I must bring Kimmy's pink shoes.

OMG!  I just had the best idea.  I am not going to tell Kimmy about her pink shoes.  What a fantastic surprise it will be for her to see them for the first time on Project Runway! 

Heidi Klum will say, "Those shoes are amazing!  What technique did you use in the design?" 

And I will demonstrate the proper blend of humility and pride as I describe purchasing the dog scrapbook paper and Mod Podge at Michaels.

 

And the process of cutting out the cute little dog pictures and mod-podging them to Kimmy's pink shoes that she forgot to take with her to Australia.

I wish I could see Kimmy's face when she sees how I transformed an ordinary pair of pink shoes into a work of art. 

Just thinking about that brings a tear to my eye. 

Of course, there are inherent risks associated with showing Kimmy's newly mod-podged dog shoes on Project Runway.  The shoes will no longer be a one of a kind item.  There will be knock-offs EVERYWHERE.

But I guess that's the price one must pay for fame.

Doggone It!

As soon as I laid my eyes on it I knew.

I had to have one.  More specifically, Kevin had to have one.  It was stinkin' genius. 

I mean, Kevin already has a reputation around the neighborhood for his innovative attire: his dapper dressing.  When he wears his Thunder Jacket, heads turn. 

I can only imagine the reaction he'll receive when he wears his Doggone Thong.

 

The thing is Kevin's admiring observers have no clue that the Thunder Jacket's underlying objective is to reduce his fear of thunder, firecrackers and zombies.

Similarly, they will likely be surprised to discover that the Doggone Thong, also has "secret super-powers".  

It effectively eliminates the unflattering aftermath of doggie flatulence.  According to the marketing materials, the Doggone Thong is "a comfortable and unintrusive means for deodorizing gassy discharges in a thong design."

I was extremely disappointed to discover that the Doggone Thong was discontinued on the www.flat_d.com web site.   But that did not stop me.  

Why not? 

Because there's a Dollar Store only 10 minutes from my house!  

And I am the Nerdling.

All I needed was some fabric, dryer sheets (to neutralize the gas), and some sort of elastic for the Doggie Thong waist band.  

(For the record, Kevin denies that he has, ever has had, or ever will have gas.)

But you know what?  

My innate sense of fashion, combined with all those episodes of Project Runway I've been watching, caused me to take the design up a notch.

I opted for the blue tulle tutu, rather than the boring elastic.

And, as you can see, I am a stinkin' Doggone Thong Design Star genius.

 

And, although Kevin would deny it, he smells even better than he looks.