Blog Envy

Blog envy has once again reared its ugly head.

With Linda gone from the house my blog ideas have dried up.  Like a raisin. 

Linda was my treasure-trove.

It was almost like cheating. A humor writer with a daughter like Linda has an unfair advantage. 

Now she’s gone off to the Marines.  Leaving me blog-topic-less.

It’s depressing.

It used to be so easy.  All I had to do was wait.  And watch.

In the meantime, blog topics seem to surround my friends like ants at a picnic. 

One of my friends (let’s call her “Esmeralda”) just returned from a visit to her parents, where her sisters and brothers and their scores of children congregated. 

Well, it turns out that poor, unsuspecting, Esmeralda and her husband were exposed to head lice, introduced to the close nit family (sorry, I couldn’t resist) by one of her nieces. 

“No fair!” I said. 

“What?” asked Esmeralda.

“Blog envy.”  But I realized that I was being selfish and let her tell the rest of her story.

Apparently, Esmeralda went to CVS to purchase some head lice remover, and was very relieved to discover that, although the store was bustling with activity, no one was in line.  

When she got to the cash register the clerk picked up the box, looked at Esmeralda and loudly announced, “Oh, my daughter had head lice last year and she has hair exactly like yours.  It was really hard to get rid of those buggers.”
 
Esmeralda, who was trying to get out of the store as quickly and anonymously as possible, didn’t respond.

(I groaned with envy at this point in her story.)

"You have exactly the same hair color and texture as my daughter," the clerk bellowed.

"Those head lice are going to be really hard to get rid of.”

“That is so funny!” I whined.  And I actually heard myself saying, “Why can’t I get head lice?”
 
Of course Esmeralda never had head lice and the treatment was just a precaution.

And I’m ashamed of myself for my blog envy.

To add insult to injury, blog envy hit even closer to home this morning when Dave said to me, “I can’t believe that at 62 years of age I’m still learning things.”
 
“What?” I asked.

“If you get toothpaste in your eye it hurts.”

Damn him.

Jet Black Pearly Whites

Those crafty Japanese have done it again, catching U.S. toothpaste manufacturers resting on their lagging laurels.

It’s really kind of embarrassing.  Colgate and Crest have been utterly myopic in terms of product design.  

They have been offering the same hapless assortments of white and pastel colored toothpaste, with flavors ranging from mint to baking soda for decades.  

Decades!

In the meantime, the Japanese have stepped out of the box with their cutting-edge Binotomo Nasu Dentifrice Jet Black Toothpaste.

Not only does it “leave your pearly whites feeling super clean”, it’s good for you!  It contains eggplant.

To be honest, getting my minimum daily requirement of vegetables is a constant struggle for me.  And I can think of no more convenient way to consume my daily eggplant servings than via my toothpaste.

Wait. One. Minute.  I just noticed that there is a warning on the Binotomo Nasu Dentifrice Jet Black Toothpaste box.  “Be careful when you squeeze out the Binotomo Nasu Dentifrice Jet Black Toothpaste, though, as the eggplant-based paste can stain clothes.”

Whatever.  I’m not going to worry about that.  I have never accidentally squeezed toothpaste onto my clothes.

Wait. Another. Minute.  Although I have never accidentally squeezed tooth paste onto my clothes, I have accidentally dribbled tooth paste from my mouth onto my clothes.  

And, at the risk of ruining my reputation as a polished and refined young woman, I do this on a daily routine basis. 

Maybe Binotomo Nasu Dentifrice Jet Black Toothpaste is not for me, after all.  

Besides, if Binotomo Nasu Dentifrice Jet Black Toothpaste can stain your clothes, how come it doesn’t stain your teeth?

I decided to do a bit more research on Japanese toothpaste.

I think I'll stick with the pastels.