Nerdling Sea Monkeys

I'm not sure what went wrong.

It certainly wasn't for lack of enthusiasm.  

OK,  I'll admit it.  I occasionally rush into projects when I get excited.  And I was REALLY excited about raising a family of Sea Monkeys.

But I promise you.  I did not rush this time.  

I even recruited my friend George to be my lab assistant.  He brought over all the necessary equipment.  And we followed the directions to a tee. 
 
Step #1 involved adding powder from Envelope #1 to the water.  

Then we had to wait for 24 long hours for Step 2, which involved adding the freeze dried Sea Monkeys contained in Envelope #2 to the water.

Then I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

But the Sea Monkeys never hatched.  A bunch of stinkin' duds.

So Kevin remains an only child.  

You know what's even more disappointing?  I will never be able to publish a sea monkey poem on www.seamonkeyworship.com

And join the likes of Alexis: 

   

and Leesa:

But wait!  If my poem was exceptionally good maybe I could fool the sea monkey worship people!   

(They don't have to know my Sea Monkeys died in utero.)

I decided to give it a whirl. 

Nerdling Sea Monkeys

Sea Monkeys swimming
Around in their aqua world
Studying chi square and
Multicollinearity

Submitted by Lou Clyde

I'm so proud.  It brought tears to my eyes.

Admittedly, it would be a wee bit humiliating if I were discovered to be a fraud: a fake Sea Monkey mom.  But I decided to throw caution to the wind and submit my poem to the seamonkey worship people anyhow.

And I got this message: The e-mail message could not be delivered because the user's mailfolder is full.

An ordinary poet might be discouraged.  But not me! 

There's always The New Yorker.

The Box

My heart started racing when my secretary handed me the package.  It was, after all, November 13.  Not that far from the holidays.    

Some of our vendors send us candy for the holidays.

Delicious vendor candy.

My mouth began to water.
 
I was in a teleconference when the package arrived.  I decided to open the box right away, since the people I was meeting with could not see me.  And I was hungry.

I stealthily, and rather unsuccessfully, attempted to open the UPS box.  "Yes,"  I said into the speaker phone.  "That was an unexpected insight,"  I added, as I incompetently tugged on the paper tag attempting to open the box.
 

It snapped off. Crap. I grabbed the stubby end of the stubborn strip with my teeth.  "What?"  I said, "Oh, no.  That won't be a problem." 

The problem was opening the damn box.   I began to salivate.  This was getting ridiculous.

What exactly was in the box?  I hoped it wasn't chocolate covered fruit.  I hate chocolate covered fruit.  Fruit ruins chocolate.  It better be caramel.  Or mint.  Or chocolate chocolate.

Or chocolate with nuts.  I hadn't had eaten for 45 minutes and really needed some holiday vendor candy.

Doggone!   The strip broke off in my teeth.  I grabbed my scissors. 

"What?  Oh yeah, I'm still here," I said, while stabbing the box, " I was just....[stab] ..checking... [stab] ...the statistical... [stab]... significance.  1.6345.. [stab]..90%.  Good."

I kept struggling.  OMG!  

I felt like I was in a Hitchcock movie.  How did they expect anyone to open these damn boxes?!?!?!   

A person could starve to death.

I was  about ready to eat my hand by the time I got that damn box opened.   I wiped the sweat off my brow as I reached into the UPS box and removed another box- a  white box with four words:  "Want deeper customer relationships?"  
 
"No," I said, panting heavily.  "I.  Want.  Chocolate."

Wait.  There was a photo of an i-Pad on the box.  WTH?  Did they have me confused with the CEO?

I held my breath as I opened the white box.

"Get your hands on a sea of behavioral data and watch customer relationships come alive."

OMG.  I could not believe my eyes.  This was not an i-Pad.  It was far more valuable than a stinkin' i-Pad.

This was a Sea Monkey Aquarium.

Holy stinkin' cow!

I looked left and right.  This was a true moment of truth. What should I do?  Should I contact Corporate Compliance about this gift? 

I know I should turn it in. 

But I always wanted to raise Sea Monkeys.  I hate that Kevin's an only child.

Hey Kevin!

Guess what!

to be continued....