The Pillow Police

“I prefer that you don’t do that,” said the Bed Bath and Beyond guy. 

All I was trying to do was test drive a pillow.  On the floor. 

Because, guess what?  It’s impossible to tell how a pillow is going to work by resting your head on it.  While you’re standing up.

Because, guess what? 

I don’t sleep standing up.

That's OK, Mr. Bed Bath and Beyond Pillow Police Czar.  I really couldn’t tell how the pillow was going to work by laying on the floor, anyhow.  

Because, guess what?  

I don’t sleep on a stinkin’ floor.  

I sleep on a bed.

So fine, Mr. Bed Bath and Beyond Pillow Police Czar.  I will get off your rock hard floor!!!

I stood up, brushed the dust off my pants and carried the pillow out of the pillow department.

Into the bedding department.   

  

Teenage Wadder!

I stared blankly.  Certainly, I must have misheard Linda.

"I'm sorry, what did you say you did on your first day of work?"  Linda had just returned home after her new job at a certain unnamed retail establishment at the mall.

"I said, I folded clothes."

"Holy stinkin' cow!" I said to my daughter who has never folded a piece of clothing in her 17 years of life.  "Did they provide on the job training?"

She rolled her eyes (for the 47th time that day.)

You may wonder how someone can make it 17 years without ever folding a piece of clothing.  It's simple.  Linda's a "wadder".

Linda basically takes clean clothes from the laundry basket, wads them up and shoves them into her drawers.  Those that don't fit remain in the laundry basket. 

Linda typically tries on several outfits before choosing the "right one."  The wrong ones end up in the discard pile on her floor.   

When she runs out of clean clothes, or can no longer find something to wear, she brings in a bulldozer and hauls the garments to the laundry room, where the cycle begins anew.

So you can imagine my shock when Wadder Linda announced that she is now folding clothes for a living (well, at least 12 hours or so a week through the holidays). 

Truth be told, after the initial shock, and once I was assured that she wasn't fired for incompetence, I began to giggle.

You see, Linda can't even fold a towel.  I mean, HOW DIFFICULT IS IT TO FOLD A TOWEL?  

I know what you're thinking.  

 I am a gifted towel origamist.  I should not expect my daughter to be able to display the same level of achievement.  

Not everybody can create a...I can't recall exactly what the creature was that I created in this picture, but he is impressive. (see posting Refusing to Throw in the Towel: Dec. 18, 2010).

Trust me.  I am not trying to get Linda to replicate my works of art.  Is it too much to hope for some sort of quadrilateral?  Something that will fit in the linen closet?

But NO!  Linda can't even fold a towel parallelogram! 

I'd even accept a towel rhombus.

OMG.  The answer is right in front of my nose.

Linda is working at the wrong store!

She needs a job at Bed Bath and Beyond!