When in France....

For some unknown reason my kids don't like to be made fun of mentioned in my blog.

I'm fine with that.  I'll honor their ridiculous request.  Because that's what good Moms do.

Whatever.

So.  Um.  This post is not about Kimmy and Luke.  It has nothing to do with them.

This is simply a post with advice in case any of my readers travel to France.  

Not all French people are enamored with American tourists.  Many expect them to know their language.

So....if you happen to be visiting France, and wish to go out to dinner at a French restaurant, please consider the following words of wisdom:  

1. Learn one or two French words before your meal.  Besides baguette and Bordeaux.
2. Wait until the host seats you before marching into the restaurant and plopping down in a seat near the window.
3. If there is a candle on the table, and it is flickering, it is likely a real candle. With a flame.
4. Recognize that menus are flammable.
5. Do not set your menu on the candle.  It may burn.
6. If you notice your menu in flames, do not panic.  You may cause a scene.  Simply blow it out.
7. If you blow too hard you will feed the fire.  You may want to use water to extinguish the flames.
8. 
   If the menu sustains fire damage, do not set the rest of the menu on fire to hide the evidence.  You may set off the sprinkler system.  
9. When the waiter asks why you blew out the candle on your table, tell him, "No habla Franceis."  Do not show him the charred remains of the menu.
10. Even though it is not customary to tip in France, generously tip your waiter if you have destroyed his menu.

I hope you appreciate my advice, Luke and Kimmy readers.  Hopefully it will help prevent any more embarrassing situations in the future.