Piqapoo takes on the PooTrap

Those Engineers at PooTrap have got to be sweating bullets.

For years, PooTrap has been the only player in the 'strap on device that catches dog poop before it hits the ground' market.

Not since Apple introduced the iPhone has there been a more dominant industry leader.

And you can see why:
  

The PooTrap has been the perfect solution for dog owners who are averse to picking up poo and don't mind humiliating their dogs by forcing them to wear a such a contraption.

As you can see, The PooTrap apparatus is an engineering marvel.  It's got straps.  And hoops.  And magnets.

The PooTrap  web site is even more impressive with its videos, sizing instructions and even poetry.

For nearly a decade PooTrap has been the dominant player in the dog poop collector market.

However, while they were sitting on their haunches, underdog Piqapoo was stealthily raising funds to introduce their own, much less complex device that catches dog poo before it hits the ground.

And not since deregulation of the Tel-comm industry as there been such cut-throat competition.

One can imagine the meeting at PooTrap International headquarters where the Market Research Analyst meets with the Product Engineer to delicately deliver the bad news: the PooTrap has competition.

"It's called Piqapoo."
"Peek-a-boo?" the Engineer asks.
"PiqaPOO," says the Analyst, and hands the Engineer a photo of a dog sporting the new product.

He carefully inspects the image and looks up.  "No magnets?"
"No magnets."
"No harnesses?"
"No harnesses.  Or straps."

The Engineer opens a Saki, his hands shaking.

"Then how does it work?"

The Research Analyst hand him the technical specifications and says, "It looks like they attach a plastic bag to a pony tail clip."

The Engineer's face reddens as he reviews the document.  He pounds his fist on the table.  "Why didn't we think of this?"

He places his head in his arms and beings to weep.

After an uncomfortable minute, he looks up hopefully.  "But will it work with any texture of feces?"

The Research Analyst rifles through her report, sighs, and reads aloud, "The collector can take in any texture of dog feces."

"What about colors?," he asks.  "The PooTrap comes in blue AND red."

"Piqapoo comes in three colors."

"How much?" he asks, desperation oozing from every cell in his body.
"$29 for the clip and 60 collection bags."
"NO!"  He sobs uncontrollably.  "The PooTrap costs $44 for 10 bags."

The mood in the room is somber as the Research Analyst turns toward the door.  She stops when she hears the Engineer's scream. 

"Wait!!!"

He has jumped to his feet, a smug look on his face.

"But do they have a poem?" he asks, not needing a reply

The M&M

I noticed the red M&M sitting on a glass table during my weekly Market Research team meeting.  

"What is that?" I asked.
"An M&M," Jeff responded.
"Looks deformed," Christine observed.
And we went on with our meeting.

A week later it was still there, but nobody commented.  It remained the next week.  And the next. Then I went on vacation for a week.

"Is that M&M still here?" I asked in today's meeting.  
"Yep," said Jeff.
"I think I'll blog about it."  

I set up a photo shoot soon after the meeting.   Then I moved it to my office.

A little while later our intern, Rob, noticed it on my desk and asked, "What are you going to do with that M&M?"

"I'm going to dissect it.  Tomorrow.  And then eat it."

Based on his reaction you would have sworn it was road kill.  I mean, seriously.  How many germs can possibly be on a deformed red Peanut M&M?

I was assuming it was a peanut M&M.  It was way too big to be a regular M&M. 

But then I realized that it could have been a deformed Peanut Butter M&M!

I overheard Jeff telling Rob that the 5-second rule must not apply to me.  Rather I lived by the 3-month rule. 

Which is entirely untrue.  If, say, a brussel sprout falls to the ground, I will not put that thing in my mouth.  Period.  And if a grape falls on the ground in my kitchen, the 3-second rule would apply.  However, if a Peanut Butter M&M fell on the ground in the Men's room of a Waffle Hut, the 3-month rule would apply.

I returned to my desk and attempted to concentrate on my research analysis.  But that potential Peanut Butter M&M was in my periphery. 

I had planned on inviting Jeff, Christine and Rob to my dissection the next day.  To kind of make a ceremony out of it.  But I couldn't wait.  

I was starving.  And it might be a Peanut Butter M&M.

I went to the break room to find a scalpel knife Samurai sword.

I dissected it.  And it was a damn deformed Peanut M&M. 

I was so disappointed.

But I was also starving. 

So I ate it.  And it tasted like a nasty-ass deformed Peanut M&M.

But I learned a valuable life lesson today.

If it looks like a deformed Peanut M&M, it probably is a deformed Peanut M&M. And it will most definitely taste like a nasty-ass deformed Peanut M&M.   

And the rule for deformed Peanut M&Ms is 1 second.