Make Way for the Segway

It was actually my idea to take a Segway Tour of Winston-Salem, NC.

Me.  Nearly a senior citizen.  Recovering from Rotator Cuff surgery.  Why the hell not?

Before starting, we had to watch a training video.  I was a bit unnerved to learn that you drive these things by leaning.

Deanna, our tour guide, held my Segway in place as I climbed aboard.  She told me to lean forward.  And away I went!

She told me to lean back and I slowed and eventually came to a stop. 

Next, I leaned to the right and turned in a clockwise circle.  Leaned to the left and turned counter-clockwise.  

I passed the mini-cone obstacle course with flying colors.  

I named my segway "Trigger".

"Let's go, Trigger!" I said as I drove up and down the ramp.  To slow Trigger down I just leaned back.  To speed him up, I leaned forward.

Easy peasy.

And we set off on our tour.  Trigger and I took up the rear behind my sister Linda and Deanna.

All went well until Deanna stopped us in front of an historic home.  

"Woah, Trigger!"  I leaned back.  Then I started going in reverse.  So I leaned forward.  And went forward.  There was no middle ground.


Crap.

The only way I could find to stay put was to twirl in a circle.

Deanna: And this is the Kibler house which was built in 1848.  Daniel Kibler was....Lou are you okay?

Lou: I'm fine.  How do you stop this thing?

Deanna: Stop leaning to the right.

Lou: Like this?

Deanna: Watch out.  You're going to hit me.

Lou: Sorry.

Deanna: Now you're going backward.

Lou: I think Trigger and I will twirl for a while.

Deanna: Let's move on.

And we continued our tour.  Trigger and I were doing great!  No problem at all.  Until.

Deanna: Let's stop at this house for a minute.

Problem.

Deanna:  This house was built in 1849 by Ely Reynolds, a slave owner whose wife died while giving birth to his second child.  Notice the slope of the roof.  Lou, are you okay?

Lou: I'm fine.  How do you stop?  I forgot.

Deanna: Just stop leaning to the left.  Stand up straight.  Watch out.  You're going to hit me.  Again.

Lou: Oops. Sorry.

The rest of the tour went great!  We never stopped.

At the risk of sounding arrogant, I've got killer Segway skills.  

In fact, I think I'm going to quit my day job and become a mall cop.

And if I ever have to chase a shoplifter?  No problem!

I'll round him right up.