One of my greatest talents (not counting jumping rope on a pogo stick) is folding fitted sheets. Most people I know, especially my husband, just kind of roll a fitted sheet into a rectangular ball and pretend that it's folded neatly.
I, on the other hand, can take a fitted sheet and fold it into a perfect rectangle. And, at the risk of sounding pompous, it is sometimes difficult to distinguish the folded top sheet from the fitted sheet when I'm done with my magic.
I've tried hard to find an audience for my talent. My family is tired of my demonstrations. They accuse me of showing off. Bah.
I have not ruled out the possibility of being cast in a play which will allow me to showcase my skills onstage (as was the case with the pogo sticking jump rope shtick in Gypsy). The obvious play would be "Leave It to Beaver, the Musical", but it hasn't been written yet.
Maybe I should write it!
Or at least the scene showcasing my prowess at fitted sheet folding.
June (looking disappointed): Beaver, I thought I asked you to fold your fitted sheets.
Beaver: I did, Mom.
June: It doesn't look like they're folded. It looks like you just rolled them up in a ball.
Beaver: Gee, Mom. I tried hard. Ask Wally!
Wally: Gosh, Mom. I think he was trying. It looked like he was going to hurt himself he was trying so hard.
Eddie: Gee, Mrs. Cleaver. I don't know anybody who can fold fitted sheets as well as you. Could you teach us how to do it?
June (to the tune of "Be our Guest"):
"Folding sheets, fitted sheets, makes a woman's life complete!
And it's not that complicated
You just have to concentrate!"
You know, I better not share any more of this intellectual capital, since it is on the internet and can be easily plagiarized.
On second thought....
Do you think Sondheim might be interested?
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