My sister Jannie and I were returning to her home about the same time her 4-year-old son Sherlock Shaun was dropping by to pick up his stuffed animal.
He was on day 2 of his 5-day stay with his dad (Jan's ex), and she was afraid that if Shaun saw me, he might not want to leave again.
He was on day 2 of his 5-day stay with his dad (Jan's ex), and she was afraid that if Shaun saw me, he might not want to leave again.
Because that's how much fun I am.
We had a plan. I was supposed to hide from Shaun. He would come into the house, get Wolfy, and leave without a scene, unaware that his extremely exciting and entertaining aunt Lou was hiding behind his aquarium, disguised as a Plecostomus.
Our timing was off. As we pulled into the driveway, in a car packed to the gills with shopping bags, suitcases, and Diet Coke, Jan noticed Paul pulling up across the street. She groaned, "Oh no! They're right behind us! Duck!"
Now, I had just spent upwards of $135 on a 5-star massage in Vail. And I was sitting on a bucket seat the size of a tablespoon, with a backpack and 2 shopping bags at my feet.
But, I sucked it up. I could not let Shaun see me and risk ruining his weekend with his boring dad.
So I turned into an amoeba. Ouch.
Jan got out of the car, and I watched the top of Shaun's head pass by, as he followed her into the house.
Five minutes passed. 10...15...20. I lost track of time.
And my $135 massage went down the distributor hose. My shoulders were folded tighter than an Accordian.
Then Paul, the ex-husband, stormed past the car. (He's a few inches taller than Shaun, so I was able to observe his neck bulging in rage as he passed.) He climbed the stairs to Jan's porch and rang the doorbell.
Then he looked into the car, where I was trying to resemble a seat belt. CRAP!
I thought about escaping, but feared that the minute I opened the car door they would leave the house and I'd be caught red-handed. So I remained, trapped like a rat.
Finally I saw the little head pass my car, followed by Paul's throbbing neck. I chanced a glance and saw Paul buckling Shaun into the car seat. Whew. Relief was on the horizon.
Or so I thought.
I had my chance.
I stealthily opened the car door to escape. Except my body was so cramped all I could do was lie on the driveway. And Jan and Shaun were returning to Paul's truck!
I stealthily opened the car door to escape. Except my body was so cramped all I could do was lie on the driveway. And Jan and Shaun were returning to Paul's truck!
It took all the power and might I could muster: every ounce of strength, to run towards the garbage can cubby. I hid behind what was left of a Christmas tree, feeling as if I had just finished the Boston Marathon. (Except, of course, I had run only 7 feet or so.)
That's when I heard Sherlock Shaun say, "Mom, I saw someone run over there."
Jan tried to play dumb. "No, I think that was a cat."
"No Mom, a person ran over there. I'll show you."
He was coming after me! And I had no place go go. I was caught red handed.
"No Mom, a person ran over there. I'll show you."
He was coming after me! And I had no place go go. I was caught red handed.
By a stinkin' 4-year old.
And I could have kicked myself. I should have been prepared with one of my many disguises.
And I could have kicked myself. I should have been prepared with one of my many disguises.
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