Here you go.
How to prevent a torn Rotator Cuff.
- If you are over the age of fifty, do not go to a Trampoline Park with your children and act like you are sixteen again.
- Stay away from balance beams. Especially those that are no wider than dental floss.
- If you find yourself on a balance beam the width of dental floss, attempt to hold on to the loops suspended from the ceiling. They are there to help you maintain your balance.
- If, when you grab for one of the loops, it begins to swing like a pendulum, be patient. Wait until it returns to the center, or at least within reach, before attempting to grab it again.
- If attempting to grab for the loop causes you to further lose your balance, simply fall into the pond beneath the balance beam. It is full of foam bricks. That prevent injury.
- If, when falling, you lack the wherewithal to aim for the pond of foam bricks, do now throw your body backwards, toward the edge of the foam filled pond. It is made of cement. Not foam.
- If you fall backwards toward the cement edge of the foam filled pond, do not put your arm out to break your fall.
- If you put an arm out to break your fall as you are falling backwards toward the cement edge of the foam filled pond and you are left handed, put out your right hand.
- If you are left handed and fall off a balance beam onto the cement edge of a foam filled pond and break your fall with your damn left hand, go home. Do not move on to the Ninja Warrior Obstacle course.
- Ignore your husband when he says, "I told you so."