When I was in grad school, I had a professor who never smiled. He wouldn't even crack a grin. It was ridiculous. My friends and I tried everything: bad jokes, compliments, tripping on statistic books. Nothing.
Dr. Gupta needed a Beauty Smile Trainer.
I know what you're thinking. "What in the world is a Beauty Smile Trainer?". Simply put, it is a device that you place in your mouth that will teach you how to smile. And if you don't believe me, check out the before (right) and after (left) pictures on the packaging!
I decided to test drive the Beauty Smile Trainer this week, so I went online to order one of my own.
I looked everywhere for a site that sold this amazing product: E-Bay, Amazon, goofybeautyproducts.com. Nothing!
You don't have to be a stinkin' economic genius, or an expert on the theory of supply and demand to realize that this product must be off the charts valuable!
But don't worry readers. You know how resourceful I am! After reviewing the engineering materials, I decided I could make my own Beauty Smile Trainer. It required only 2 ingredients: a bendy stick (which I obtained from a strategic planning facilitator at work) and a pair of wire clippers to make the bendy stick fit my mouth.
How does it work?
Easy! According to the diagram, you place the Beauty Smile Trainer in your mouth, immediately below your "canine" teeth.
I was admittedly a bit confused by the bottom part of the diagram (the lips); it’s difficult to tell if the device is supposed to remain inside or outside of your mouth.
Probably on the inside.
Probably on the inside.
I tried a couple other positions. Not looking too smiley here.This might work for Halloween.
I finally figured it out.
Well, I THINK, I figured it out. What do you think?
Being the crafty nerdling that I am, I was able to locate an English translation of the Japanese product highlights.
I can verify that claims a - d are correct.
a. This is device that can be fitted into the mouth. - why, yes it is!
b. It is a curved plastic device. - and so is my bendy stick version!
c. It is shaped like a small and slim banana - a blue banana...
d. It gives the wearer the perfect smile. - only if I squint....
I'm less convinced about claims e and f:
e. It also has the ability to give one a face lift.
f. It tones the facial skin and muscles and reduces sagging.
I think I need a longer bendy stick.
Or some duct tape.