I have been listening to David Sedaris' Live at Carnegy Hall CD in my car this week. The CD included a story he wrote about Stadium Pal, "the discrete portable restroom system for men". It's basically an external catheter worn like a condom. As David Sedaris described his trial usage of the Stadium Pal, I found myself laughing so hard in the car that I could have used one. (But since I don't have a penis, that would not be possible.)
When I returned home I decided to see if this story was fiction, or if there really was such a product. I googled ''Stadium Pal'', hit "I feel lucky" and found myself at www.biorelief.com.
Not only is Stadium Pal a real product, but there is a female version of it: Stadium Gal.
I feel it is my duty, as the Nerdling to sample products for my readers. The convenience of the product is a definite plus for me, given my pea sized bladder. On the other hand, having a Stadium Gal would significantly reduce my step count, and getting 11,000 steps a day is important to me. But after reading more about the product details, I regret to say I will not be test driving the Stadium Gal.
Let's start at the top. The Urinary Pouch looks a bit clunky to me. It apparently stays in place with adhesives that are provided. Considering that tearing a band aid off my arm brings tears to my eyes, I cannot imagine removing the Stadium Gal Urinary Pouch after a long football game.
It's one thing for a man to have a bulge in his pants, but I don't want any rumors circulating about me. The Stadium Gal is advertised to be 'totally discrete, completely hidden beneath loose fitting jeans or pants', but come on! Parachute pants went out of style in the 80s.
Aside from the collection area of the system, the Stadium Gal works just like the Stadium Pal. It has the same Convenience Drain that connects to the leg bag system (worn on the inner calf). I suspect that they had some problems with valve crimping in the Stadium Pal system, but no worries here! The Gal has a softer material that eliminates valve crimps (and possible septic system back-ups).
Nope. I will not be trying out the Stadium Gal.
But I won't let you down, readers. While doing research for the Stadium Gal I came upon a product that I am willing to test drive: the Wine Rack. It's similar to the Stadium Gal, but at the other end of the assembly line, so to speak. It's basically a sports bra with a hidden polyurathane bladder that holds up to 25oz. of your favorite beverage that you drink through an attached drinking tube. According to the promotional materials, "The Wine Rack will turn an A cup in to double Ds and sport your favorite beverage for yourself and your friends"
I'll let you know when it gets here.