Thursday, April 5, 2012

Sacrificing Snot

It was the ultimate sacrifice.  For my audience.

Veteran actors are often called upon to make sacrifices in order to convincingly portray their characters. Tom Hanks lost 55 pounds and spent weeks up to his neck in water for his part in the movie Cast Away.

Then there's Hillary Swank, who put on 19 pounds of muscle for her role in Million Dollar Baby.  

Can you imagine?

Like Tom and Hillary, I was required to make an extreme sacrifice in my recent role as Cookie in Rumors.

The sacrifice involved my hair.  And my friend Tiffany  was my torture stylist.

Before each show,  I'd mentally prepare myself for the impending torture transformation. I'd brace myself as Tiffany approached with weapons in hand: hairspray, curling irons, and hairspray.

Did I mention the hairspray?

Her goal was to torture convert me into a combination of Chrissy from Three's Company and Grinch's Cindy Woo-Hoo.

Tiffany began by twisting my hair into very high, (and very tight) pigtails.  She then applied hairspray liberally, curled the pigtails, teased the pigtails into submission, applied more hairspray (liberally), and repeated the last 2 steps until my hair looked like this:

It was all fine and good until I attempted to remove the pigtails following each show. Perhaps it's payback for making fun of Linda’s dreadlock (see September 20, 2011 posting: Oh What a Tangled Web).

Please don’t think me insensitive when I say my post-show pigtail removal processes resembled the collapse of the Twin Towers following the 9-11 attacks.  It was a rather slow, sad descent, leaving beneath a rubble of ratted dreadlocks that could only be removed with several rounds of shampoo, conditioner and prayer.

It's been nearly two weeks since the show closed, and my hair is finally back to normal.

Which may make you wonder why in the world I decided to test the Gorilla Snot hair gel I recently purchased at WalMart!

You see, I’ve always been a fan of There’s Something About Mary, and I wanted to see if I could use Gorilla Snot to replicate the infamous Cameron Diaz doo.

I was a bit nervous as I dabbed the snot into my palm and applied it to my bangs.

But the nervousness was replaced by unabashed pride, as I saw just how sexy I looked sporting the Cameron-Doo.

But damn, that stuff was stiff. I had to wash it out before I went to bed.  

One false move and I could have taken Dave's eye out.

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