Seventy-Five Trombones

I know you will find this difficult to believe, considering the depth of my nerdiness;  I was not in my high school marching band.

The reason was simple: our high school marching band did not include an organ.  (Apparently, marching band members are supposed to carry their instruments down the football field, and organs weigh too much.) 

Imagine!  All those years of organ lessons in the first grade wasted.

But you know what? 

I am so glad I never joined that marching band.

You know why?    

It's because we got our costumes for The Music Man on Saturday. 

And until that day, I had never seen a marching band uniform up close.  I had no idea marching band uniforms were thicker than my aunt's 70 year old draperies and could stop a bullet from 25 feet. 

I did not know the jacket alone weighed more than I do.

Plus, I never noticed all the hardware on the uniform.  Zippers, hooks, snaps, doorknobs. 

And the uniforms are made out of wool!   

Thick, scratchy, confederate soldier fabric.     

All I can say is we better have a lot of Fabreze in that Green room, because those suckers are going to take on a life of their own after a few shows under those spotlights. 

Oh, dear, I just remembered that we all have to carry instruments!

 I hope the director doesn't assign me anything heavier than a triangle to carry, or else I may just collapse into a pool of sweat and drown.

"Seventy-six trombones (gasp)...led the big parade (wheeze)....

with a hundred and ten cornets (huff...puff)....close at hand...(pant)

..."

Make that seventy-five trombones.