Friday, October 7, 2011

Making Martha Proud

Martha Stewart would be so proud. 

It has always my goal to make my guests comfortable and entertained in every stinkin' room of my house. Even the bathrooms.

Sure, I do have that fancy toilet, with its Q.C.S. (quiet close seat) technology. Bathroom guests can entertain themselves for hours, lifting the seat, nudging it, and then watching it s-l-o-w-l-y drop down without making a sound. Lift-nudge-drop...lift-nudge-drop. 

Now that's entertainment.

The problem is, when you need to be entertained the most in the bathroom, you cannot (or should not) be in lift-nudge-drop mode. It could get a bit messy if you're playing lift-nudge-drop while you're pardon my crass language) going number 2.

I needed to find a pastime for prolonged perchers.

I considered the Potty Putter game, but I kind of agree with Mark Twain: "Golf is a good walk spoiled".  And if golf ruins a great walk, imagine what it would do to a 2

Especially if you were incapable of making a 3-inch putt.
I also thought about supplying Sodoku toilet paper. Although I would find that incredibly entertaining, not everybody is a nerdling.  (And, between you and me, the thought of flushing an unused Sodoku puzzle down the toilet makes me break out in hives.)

It's a moot point, anyhow.  For, you see, I have discovered the ultimate product for bathroom entertainment: Doo Doo Darts

I know what you're thinking.  What the heck are Doo Doo Darts, Lou?

It's a dart game!!  The toilet shaped dart board is made of felt.  And the Doo Doo Darts are...doo doo darts!  But, relax; they're not real.  They're made of plastic, and are wrapped in Velco so they stick to the toilet bowl when tossed.

The rules are simple: you throw the poo at the dart board. Toss it is the middle and get 100 points!

(I don't know about you, but I wouldn't award any points for hitting the seat.)

And, being the marketing genius that I am, I am considering turning this recreational entertainment complex into a profit center, by adding:
The Poop Bank!

(I have yet to work through my pricing scenarios.)

You see?  This goes way beyond Martha.  I mean, Donald Trump would be amazed at my stinkin' entrepreneurial genius.


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