Friday, June 24, 2011

The Short Cut

It was like something Lucy Ricardo would have done.

Before kids, Dave and I played a lot of squash at the Milwaukee Athletic Club. We typically played in the evening, and the courts on the 7th floor of the distinguished historic building were pretty busy when we got there. We usually played in Court 4.

As you can see, to get to Court 4 we would have to leave the elevator, go through a door, down a short hallway and through another door into the squash court hall (see the dotted orange line on the architectural schematic I obtained from the engineering staff of the M.A.C.)

Although the courts were hopping when we started, there was never anyone around when we finished playing. So, understandably, we would take the shortcut to the elevator through the Mens' room (along the dotted green line).

You know where I’m going with this. It had to happen.

One night I opened the door to my short cut and there was a man using the urinal. He looked over his shoulder at me and I said something very intelligent like, “Oops… hi… shortcut…… elevator … sorry”.  I nearly ran over Dave as I bolted down the orange path back to the elevator. "HURRY," I shouted.

It took me about 9 seconds of waiting in front of the elevator when I realized that the urinating guy (let's call him Pete) was probably going to leave the Mens' room and catch me red-handed (make that red-faced) in front of the elevator!

“Crap!  I’m taking the stairs,” I hollered over my shoulder to Dave, as I bounded for stairwell completely unnerved.

I ran down one flight, getting out on the 6th floor. I stood in front of the elevators and analyzed the situation. Pete was probably going to leave the 7th floor via the elevator.   I’d decided it would be best to wait about 3-4 minutes before pushing the elevator button.

So I stood still motionless, listening for the elevator to go down the shaft. 

I hardly noticed the din. 

Then some guy came up to me and said hi. He was wearing a towel, which was more than some of the other guys were wearing.  (Well, maybe they didn't look exactly like this but you get the point.)

I was right smack in the middle of the Mens' Locker Room. How had I forgotten that the Mens' Locker Room was on the 6th floor?

I turned around and ran down 6 flights of stairs.

I was doubled over in laughter by the time I got to the lobby. I found Dave and pulled him out a side door of the building. I could hardly get the words out I was laughing so hard. “You will NOT BELIEVE what I just did!” 

“I heard.”

Apparently it took a while for Dave to get the elevator after I bolted- - long enough for Pete to join him. The elevator stopped on 7 and a couple other guys got on. They were talking about some woman wandering around the Mens' locker room in a trance.

“A redhead in sweat pants?” asked Pete.
“Yep," said one of the guys."How'd you know?"
“She just walked in on me in the 8th floor john!” Pete reported.
“Weird.  She must have been stoned,” the other guy concluded.

"Or mentally ill", added Dave helpfully.

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