Saturday, April 16, 2011

Oblivious Foot in Mouth Disease

She made me so mad. 

She was the check-out girl at Stein Mart and she had a real bad case of "Oblivious Foot in Mouth Disease" 

Let's call her "Stella".

It's taken a few years but I've finally recovered from that detestable shopping trip. My friend Becca and I had just finished a long walk on a very hot summer morning, and we decided to make quick stop at Stein Mart on the way home. 

Now in Stella's defense, I did not look my best.

And in my defense, Stella didn't look overly bright.

I was wearing a t-shirt, shorts and a baseball cap. I was not wearing make-up. I was sweaty. But Stella's comment was completely unwarranted.

Stella was running the cash register. I very politely asked her, "Do you have any extra coupons? I left mine at home."

Stella gave me her most patronizing smile and said, "I'll give you some coupons, because you're wearing your Grandchild's art work on your shirt."

I looked down at my t-shirt, the one that my daughter Linda had made when she was in 1st grade, which was NOT THAT LONG AGO, and said incredulously,

"My Grandchild?" I added, under my breath "I'm going to kill myself."

But I decided to give Stella the benefit of the doubt, since she looked like she didn't get out of her corn field often enough to recognize that she'd insulted a customer.

I said, "My daughter made that for me when she was in kindergarten".

But poor, uncouth Stella shoved her foot one step deeper into her cavity filled mouth. She looked at Becca and said, "Did you make that?"

At this point I said, "Now I really am going to kill myself."  And poor Becca didn't know what to say.

Yet, Stella was completely oblivious. She looked at Becca and said, "You're good at drawing. I like coloring, too".  (OK, maybe I made that part up, but I'll bet she has more than a few coloring books at home.)

When we got in the car I told Becca if she ever told anybody this story I would kill her. And she never did. 

Because Becca is the nicest person I know.

In contrast, 26 years ago I was registering for my wedding at a Milwaukee department store. My friend Debbie (of Green Stamp fame) was with me and she asked a store employee where the bridal registry was. The woman smiled at us and said, "You can register your daughter in Housewares." 

I about cracked a rib I laughed so hard. I had to stop at the ladies' room for Kleenex to dry my eyes and pull myself together.  I called Debbie "Mom" for the next 4 hours.  And I told everyone I knew about the incident.  

I guess what goes around comes around.

And I'm really lucky that Becca's nicer than I am.

1 comment:

  1. "Because Becca is the nicest person I know"... Indeed! - and Lou is the funniest nerdling I know! keep 'em coming - you've got a gift!