Sunday, March 2, 2014

The Reference

Why did I open my big fat mouth?  It was my own idea!

Kimmy  told me that she FINALLY found an apartment for rent in Jackson, Wyoming, where affordable apartments are as scarce as a zit on a Barbie doll.  She was completing the application and speculating about how competitive it was going to be to get that apartment.

She told me that they wanted references from her most recent landlord.

A light bulb went off in my head.  “You know, you could always put me down as your landlord", I said. We do have different last names."

Did I really say that? 

Because, lo and behold, I got back from lunch on Thursday afternoon and there was a message from THE LANDLORD, wanting to talk to me about one of my former tenants: Kimmy Walt.

Did I mention what a horrible liar I am?  I have numerous blogs about my poker go fish face and my complete inability to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes. 

How the heck could I have a phone conversation with THE LANDLORD about my former tenant, Kimmy Walt? 

I imagined the conversation.  It would start with an innocuous question like, “Do you remember a tenant named Kimmy Walt?”  My heart would start pounding. Sweat would pour down my face.   My voice would shake uncontrollably as I would attempt to choke out a feeble “yes”.   

He'd see right through me and Kimmy would never get the apartment.

I called Dave for advice. 

“Don’t go into any details,” Dave advised.  “Keep it very high level.  She paid her rent on time and left her apartment clean.  Period. ”

Her rent?   I sent her to Food Lion for me.   She was my ping pong opponent.  She drank wine with me and watched The Bachelor.

That was her rent. 

How could I tell him that I would have paid her rent to stay with us for 3 months?  And that I should be asking HIM for references?

But I am very crafty, indeed.   Being a nerd, I did the math.  If I waited until 2 pm EST to return the call, THE LANDLORD might be at lunch.

And he was.  Whew.  I confidently told his voice mail that Kimmy was an excellent tenant.  She stayed with us for 3 months after returning to the U.S. from Australia.  She paid her rent on time and left her apartment in pristine condition.

I didn’t mention how empty our house feels without her.

And guess what!   

She got the apartment!

Lucky for her I wasn’t on SKYPE!

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