I'm playing the dead body in 9 to 5.
Not unlike Meryl Streep, who spent months and months in preparation for her role in Sophie's Choice, I have to develop my character. Meryl immersed herself into the role of Holocaust survivor Sophie, and her performance earned her an academy award for Best Actress in 1982.
Meryl Streep completely envelopes herself in all her characters, capturing their nuances, speech patterns and personalities.
I must do the same in my role: capture the nuances, speech patterns and personality of the dead body.
Of course, she will no longer have speech patterns and personality, since she's dead.
But I refuse to let that stop me from developing my character.
For you see, I too, am a gifted actor.
I was brutally murdered.
I was murdered by another contestant on The Bachelor. I had just been awarded a rose and the woman who had been escorted to the limo, snuck back into the mansion, and into my bathroom. She viciously assaulted me with a high heel.
As you can see, it was a crime of passion. The bitch went right for my face, as if it was my beauty that attracted Sean.
If only my dog had barked (like Lassie would have), instead of lying next to me... as my life slowly faded away. Someone could have found me in time.
I may have gotten that final rose.
And that's how I ended up on the gurney in the 9 to 5 hospital where the girls see me, mistakenly believe that I'm their boss and steal my body.
Great story, huh?!
I can't wait to pitch it to the director.
Damn! I wish they awarded Academy Awards in theater. I'd have this nailed.