Friday, October 12, 2012

Serious Shower Shopping

It shouldn't be that difficult.  It's just a baby shower.

But I'm obsessing.  Not only looking for the perfect gift, but the most unique.

My first thought was the Zaky Pillow.  I'm relatively certain nobody else will get Sarah a Zaky Pillow.  

I know what you're thinking.  And I agree!  This gift is a bit creepy.  But, according to the marketing materials, these appendeges provide considerable comfort to infants.

Maybe it's me, but I'm afraid Sarah's baby could end up with permanent psychological damage as a result of a Zaky Pillow.  Go ahead.  Call me irrational.   But I'll bet Jeffrey Dahlmer had Zaky Pillows in his crib.

Too risky.  Besides.  I have plenty of other options.

Like the Baby Butt Fan.  This is a must-have appliance for the modern changing table, because, as you all know, baby wipes leave the skin damp.  And today's parents are way too busy to wait for baby’s bottom to air-dry after every change; it takes too long.  

(Not to mention the risk of untimely accidents.) 

On second thought, I'll bet someone else will get Sarah a Baby Butt Fan.  

And you really only need one. 

Besides.  I have a better idea.  I'm pretty sure she's having a girl, so I will get her Baby Bangs!!!  I mean, it may be years before the poor baby has a good head of hair.  With Baby Bangs, her wait is over!

But you know what?  I'm not sure giving Baby Bangs to a baby is a good idea.  

Next thing you know she'll be doing pageants.  

And I'll bet my bottom dollar that Honey Boo Boo's mother got Baby Bangs at her baby shower.

What was I thinking?  Why would I ever give Sarah such a shallow gift? Her baby deserves something unique, but monumental.  Something life changing. 

Which is why she needs a Baby Keeper!

And Sarah will never have to worry about her baby getting exposed to nasty bathroom germs, or wandering away while Sarah is engaged in bathroom activities.

The Baby Keeper  will protect the baby.   It's the coolest invention ever.   

You simply hook it on the back of the bathroom door. 

Look at that contraption!  That baby's going nowhere.

OMG.  I just had a scathingly brilliant idea.  They do not call me a stinkin' marketing genius for nothing!

Introducing the Teen Keeper.

Available soon at a mall kiosk near you.

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