"There's a lot of good Rap music with good messages," my daughter Linda was explaining to me in the car.
I rolled my eyes, all the while keeping them on the road. (That's how good of a driver I am.)
"But it's not singing!" I said. "Rap is more like acting. All they do is read words to monotonous music."
That's when I went out on the limb. Precariously far out.
"In fact, I could do Rap! Easy."
And that's how I became a middle-aged white female Gangsta Rap artist.
I know this will shock you, but it took less than 15 minutes to write The Multicollinearity Rap. Linda found the background music and I was ready to produce my first video.
Except I needed the right look. I put beads in my hair and a do-rag on my head. Then I threw on an over-sized t-shirt. I'm not sure whether it was the pastel beads or the flowers on the do-rag, but It just wasn't working.
It wasn't Gangsta enough.
I tried my Buffalo Bills baseball hat - backwards and forward. Nope. I still looked like a middle-aged white chick trying to look like a Gangsta Rap artist.
Then I found Dave's hoodie. Perfect. It was time to produce the video. Since I didn't have my rap song memorized, I had to read it off paper.
"Mom! You can't wear your reading glasses!" Linda said. "You look like a librarian!"
And she was right. They distracted from my Gangsta look.
So instead, I printed out The Multicollinearity Rap in size 48 font so I could read it without glasses.
And here it is:
It's already gone viral. I have 33 views!
Keep in mind that Justin Bieber was discovered via a You-Tube video. And I'm probably next. Don't worry. I will never forget my loyal readers after my Gangsta Rap career is propelled to the next level.
Maybe my tour will stop in Columbia.
And I can return to the hood and see my homies.