Saturday, June 23, 2012

Going Gangsta

"There's a lot of good Rap music with good messages," my daughter Linda was explaining to me in the car.

I rolled my eyes, all the while keeping them on the road. (That's how good of a driver I am.)

"But it's not singing!" I said. "Rap is more like acting. All they do is read words to monotonous music."

That's when I went out on the limb. Precariously far out.

"In fact, I could do Rap! Easy."

And that's how I became a middle-aged white female Gangsta Rap artist.

I know this will shock you, but it took less than 15 minutes to write The Multicollinearity Rap. Linda found the background music and I was ready to produce my first video.

Except I needed the right look. I put beads in my hair and a do-rag on my head. Then I threw on an over-sized t-shirt. I'm not sure whether it was the pastel beads or the flowers on the do-rag, but It just wasn't working

It wasn't Gangsta enough. 

I tried my Buffalo Bills baseball hat - backwards and forward.  Nope.  I still looked like a middle-aged white chick trying to look like a Gangsta Rap artist.

Then I found Dave's hoodie. Perfect. It was time to produce the video. Since I didn't have my rap song memorized, I had to read it off paper. 

"Mom!  You can't wear your reading glasses!" Linda said.  "You look like a librarian!"  

And she was right.  They distracted from my Gangsta look.

So instead, I printed out The Multicollinearity Rap in size 48 font so I could read it without glasses.  

And here it is:

Thank you.

It's already gone viral. I have 33 views!

Keep in mind that Justin Bieber was discovered via a You-Tube video. And I'm probably next.   Don't worry.  I will never forget my loyal readers after my Gangsta Rap career is propelled to the next level.

Maybe my tour will stop in Columbia. 

And I can return to the hood and see my homies.

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