Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Counting the Hours

I found the perfect gift for my sister with the Ant B&B: The Ants Watch. (see February 17, 2012 posting: The Hostess with the Mostest.)

I don't think she'll use it as a watch, though. She’ll probably just watch it. Or put it in her bathtub.  (It would make a very nice wide screen TV for her house guests.)

Maybe I'm a bit obtuse, but I really can't think of any other use for this product.

According to the advertising, “The Ants Watch is perfect for all those times when you want to know the time, but don’t want to risk any else figuring it out.”


Can someone please give me an example of when I’d want to know the time but I wouldn’t want to risk anyone else figuring it out?

I mean, if I were some kind of secret agent or international spy, I suppose it could come in handy.

Or say I was kidnapped and Dave couldn't come up with enough Coke Points to pay the ransom, and Linda and I were strapped to a bomb, and the bomb was set to detonate at 2:00 pm, and I didn't want Linda to know exactly when we were going to die.  

I guess the Ants Watch might come in handy in that situation.

I could subtly look at my Ants watch and I would be the only one to know the time. 

"Is that a PS2 on your arm, Mom?" Linda would ask.  "What game are you playing?"

"No, it's my new bracelet" I'd lie, in an effort to distract her from the fact that I was trying, with great effort, to do advanced "ant math" in my head...without a calculator.

Let me see. The red ants stand for the hours. The yellow ants stand for 5 minute intervals and the green ants stand for minutes. That means it's 1 plus 10 times 5 equals 50 minutes plus 2 minutes...which makes it....


See the problem?  We'd be dead before I could tell what time it was!

This is harder than programming a VCR.

No.  The Ants Watch is not for this Nerdling.

It would drive me buggy.

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