Step aside Martha Stewart.
Today I'm going to teach my readers how to make a one-of-a-kind tissue box cover to adorn your residence and increase your home values.
You will need the following materials:
- a shoe box
- a tissue box
- box cutter
- band aids (just in case!)
And most importantly, you will need a picture of someone with a big nose.
Of course, you know one of the cardinal rules my blog is to never hurt anyone's feelings. (Sure, there was that one time when I made fun of Miss Teen S.C. (The Accidental Pageant June 21, 2011) But that was a very special exception to the "no hurt feelings" rule. She asked for it.)
I needed a picture of someone with a big nose. But who? Jimmy Durante was obvious, as was Barbra Streisand. Lea Michele might work. But considering the fact that my nose is not exactly petite, I could not in good conscious exploit their noses for my craft project.
I decided to sacrifice my dignity and use a picture of myself.....until I envisioned my guests pulling tissues out of my nose. You may think that's funny but it's snot.
Instead I chose to use Shrek. I mean you can't offend a cartoon character, can you?
You know, the more I think about it, I should set up a kiosk in the mall. Right next to the eyebrow threaders. These guys will sell like hotcakes.
And I've already thought of a couple product line extensions. The nose shower gel dispenser
and my personal favorite, the nose egg white separator.
I'm going to be a stinkin' millionaire.