Sunday, January 15, 2012

Snot Just Another Craft Class

Step aside Martha Stewart.

Today I'm going to teach my readers how to make a one-of-a-kind tissue box cover to adorn your residence and increase your home values.

 You're welcome.

You will need the following materials:

  1. a shoe box
  2. a tissue box
  3. box cutter
  4. band aids (just in case!)
  5. tape
  6. scissors
And most importantly, you will need a picture of someone with a big nose.

Of course, you know one of the cardinal rules my blog is to never hurt anyone's feelings. (Sure, there was that one time when I made fun of Miss Teen S.C. (The Accidental Pageant June 21, 2011)  But that was a very special exception to the "no hurt feelings" rule.  She asked for it.)

I needed a picture of someone with a big nose. But who? Jimmy Durante was obvious, as was Barbra Streisand. Lea Michele might work. But considering the fact that my nose is not exactly petite, I could not in good conscious exploit their noses for my craft project.

I decided to sacrifice my dignity and use a picture of myself.....until I envisioned my guests pulling tissues out of my nose.  You may think that's funny but it's snot.  

Get it?

Instead I chose to use Shrek.  I mean you can't offend a cartoon character, can you?

You know, the more I think about it, I should set up a kiosk in the mall.  Right next to the eyebrow threaders.   These guys will sell like hotcakes.

And I've already thought of a couple product line extensions.  The nose shower gel dispenser

and my personal favorite, the nose egg white separator.

I'm going to be a stinkin' millionaire.

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