Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Bio

It was one of my proudest moments.

I received the Best Bio award at the Beauty and the Beast cast party. And at the risk of sounding conceited, it was like receiving a stinkin' Pulitzer Prize in theater!

Lou Clyde (Spoon): Lou is so very proud to once again be cast in Beauty and the Beast. Although she was hoping to play the role of Spork, she understands that the enchanted castle has both Spoons and Forks. When faced with the unenviable choice of fork vs. spoon, she decided that the spoon would represent a greater acting challenge than the violent, piercing, fork.

I still have the award tacked up on my refrigerator. Just looking at it brings a tear to my eye.

Kevin and I are both in rehearsal for Anything Goes. You know what that means for me? 

Two bios!!!

I usually have fun coming up with bios. I'm afraid, I may have had a little too much fun coming up with Kevin's:

Kevin Walt (Cheeky) welcomes the opportunity to be the center of attention. This is Kevin’s theatrical debut, and he is still waiting for the private dressing room and personal attendant his agent promised. By day Kevin hangs out in the Clyde-Walt asylum. His favorite hobbies include chasing socks and eating tampons. 

I read it to Linda. "Mom, that's embarrassing! You can't say he eats tampons!"
"But he does!" I said defensively.

So I ran it by Becca. She wrote back, "LOL...except for the tampon part"
"Would it help if I said they're unused?"

I kept going until I found someone who liked the bio. Dave voted was to submit it.
"Do you think it might offend people?" I asked.
"Well, maybe older people who can't even SAY the word tampon," he suggested.

Who can't say the word tampon in this day and age?  I saw an angel made out of a tampon at a craft fair!  (And Kevin would probably find it delicious.)

But then I thought about what the bio might do to Kevin's reputation.  Would people look down upon him if they found out about his sordid hobby?

I can just imagine the conversations: "Shirley, did you read that dog's bio? I thought he was absolutely adorable, and such a good actor! But he likes to (in a whisper) eats tampons."

Maybe I should change his hobbies to chasing socks and eating dog treats.

That's much more socially acceptable. 

But not nearly as funny.  

And unlikely to win any stinkin' Pulitzer Prize for theater.


  1. I have to take a moment to absorb the hilarity of eating tampons... I know lots of men who pause at the word.

  2. I still can't get past the tampon angel. Seriously, who thought that one up?