A Beloved Pet What?

I grew up across the street from a farm with a chicken coop. And those chickens terrorized me with their erratic, indiscriminate ankle biting antics and their clamorous screeching and squawking. Not to mention that smell!

All of which makes the concept of chicken diapers incomprehensible to me!

According to www.mypetchicken.com, chicken diapers are great for "beloved family pets who you couldn't dream of putting outside"!

Beloved family pet chickens?

Are we talking about the same things?

(And can you imagine Kevin's reaction if I brought home a beloved family pet chicken?)

Apparently, after your beloved family pet chicken is potty trained, she will graduate to Poultry Panties (The site is somewhat vague about the specifics of poultry potty training.)

 

But there's more for sale on mypetchicken.com. Check out these chicken saddles! They offer protection in case the rooster gets a bit carried away with his..um,..well..uh, you know....

We're all adults here, right?  

It's apparently protection for poultry S & M.

According to mypetchicken.com, "a rooster's claws and spurs can often pull out or break the feathers on the backs of his favorite hens during the act of mating. Once her feathers are gone, he can accidentally puncture the skin!"

Euuu. T.M.I.

(While they're at it, why not make a black leather version of the saddle with spikes..or lace?  Or how about selling little Barbie high heels for the chicken to wear on her claws? Maybe a chicken nurse's costume?   Wouldn't that provide some added stimulation for Mr. Rooster?)

Sorry.  Enough editorializing.

My favorite item on the mypetchicken.com site is not for beloved family chickens. It's for their owners. In fact, one does not have to even own chickens to order this product.

It's Free Range Chicken Poop Lip Balm!

Damn! It's sold out! And I believe it really works.  Check out their advertising claim:

Grandpa says:
If ya got dry lips
put chicken poop on 'em
so ya won't lick 'em.