Tuesday, May 3, 2011

No poops! No oops!

I’m beginning to think I’m the only one in my family with a sense of humor.

I was so excited I literally ran into the house after work yesterday, shouting the news about my discovery of the PooTrap.

“Guys! You have GOT to see what I found today! The Chinese have developed a contraption that you strap onto your dog to collect their poop! It’s like the opposite of a feed bag!”

Nobody even looked up. So I went on.

“But they cost around $40, so I’m going to make my own for Kevin. All I need is some magnets and a couple leashes"

That got Kevin’s attention. He ran under the bed.

Dave said, "Dinner's on the table, Lou. Eat."

"Wait!" I said, "I printed off the PooTrap FAQ's. You won't believe them! They're written by a Chinese PooTrap employee who doesn't know English"

Everyone else began to eat as I ran to the car to get the FAQs.

"Listen to THIS!" I said, as I read the first frequently asked question:

Q: What if my dog doesn't like the PooTrap?
A: There are many things that dog don't like, such as shower, home alone, or even dog food. However, once they are used to all these things, they will be excited.

I could hardly get the last sentence out I was laughing so hard: "PooTrap will become their favorite activity."

My A.D.D. kicked in. "PooTraps come in 8 sizes. I think I'll use sandwich bags for Kevin's." 

Kimmy looked at me with disgust, dropping her turkey sandwich on the plate. 

"Sorry! But listen to this one!"

Q: When to take off PooTrap?
A: Don't rush to take off PooTrap. Wait until your dogs finish all his routenes"

"Why aren't you guys laughing? This is the funniest thing I've ever read!"

Dave shook his head.

Q: Would dogs look funny wearing PooTrap?
A: Our design renders the positive discreet outlook for dogs wearing PooTrap. The looks will attract curious questions and on-lookers, but your dogs will become the focus of attention in a positive way.

That got Linda's attention, "Mom, you better not take Kevin out in this neighborhood wearing one of those. I'll kill you."

"Linda, wait! I wasn't finished with their answer"

A: If you really feel uncomfortable about your dogs wearing them, feel free to take it off when your dogs finished and show a relieved smile at you."

I could hardly read out loud any longer. (I just kept picturing Kevin giving me a relieved smile.)  "Wait! There's more FAQs!"  I was bent over, and could only get about 3 words out at a time.

Q. Can I use..... PooTrap..... when my dogs....suffer from.....diarrhea?"

It took literally 3 minutes before I could compose myself to read the answer.

A: Of course, you would benefit the most from situation like this.

At this point, Kimmy and Linda moved their plates to the sink and thanked me for ruining their dinner.

Dave wasn't phased.

And, of course, I haven't seen Kevin since. 

I wonder if they sell magnets at the Dollar Store.

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