What was I thinking? I haven’t even been to a bridal shower in decades. And now I'm throwing one for my friend Becca.
Plus, I’m from Buffalo. Buffalo bridal showers are held in fire halls. We serve potato chips with French onion dip and Labatt's Blue. Sometimes you'll find a vegetable plate at a shower, but only if wings are served, and the vegetables are all celery sticks. If there’s a cake, it ain’t very fancy, because it’s home made.
Becca deserves a bridal shower like the one in the movie Bridesmaids: classy, stylish, and chic. (Except she probably wouldn’t want us giving away golden retriever puppies as party favors).
With me in charge, this shower is more likely to resemble The Wedding Singer.
The last shower I was involved in was actually a baby shower for my sister-in-law, Wendy. I volunteered to bring Pitter Patter Petits Fours. Here's what they were supposed to look like.
Maybe I would have had more success if it weren't so damn hot. It was about 100 degrees out and we had no air conditioning in our little house in Wisconsin. And the oven added another 15 degrees. My kitchen was the size of an elevator and had no circulation.
Picture a summer day in hell. Only hotter.
My sister Jannie was visiting from Denver that weekend with her dog Sebastian. I put her to work. Sebastian and Bluie (my dog) joined us in the kitchen, in the pathetic hope that food would drop. Jannie and I were literally dripping in sweat. And Sebastian kept circling my feet with his big hairy dog body.
"Sebastian, beat it!" I screamed. "Now I've got dog hair stuck to my legs."
Somehow the kitchen grew even hotter.
We made the frosting and attempted to frost the Petits Fours. It was a race against time, getting the baby feet frosted and into the fridge before they melted. And time was winning.
I stated the obvious. "That doesn't even look like a baby foot!"
Jannie, ever the optimist, disagreed. "Sure it does. If you squint your eyes."
In what appeared to be a suspiciously purposeful maneuver, Jannie stepped over to the counter to get the next Pitter Patter Petis Four to frost, and tripped over Sebastian's paw.
Poor Sebastian lost a toe nail.
I know. It was wrong of us. But we couldn't resist.
Once the Pitter Patter Petits Four was enhanced with Sebastian's toe nail, it actually resembled a foot. (Albeit, not a baby's foot. Rather it looked like the foot of some kind of alien creature.) But it was no longer as pathetic a Pitter Patter Petis Four as it had been sans Sabastian's toe nail.
Rest assured, we did not leave Sebastian's toe nail on the Pitter Patter Petits Four. However, it did give us an idea. We frosted some blue and pink toe nails on the remaining Pitter Patter Petits Fours. I think they bore a slight resemblance to baby feet. Just in case, I labeled the serving dish: "Delicious Pitter Patter Petits Fours".
We had left-overs.
I know Becca reads this blog and is probably about ready to pass out right now. But don't worry, Becca. I am not making Pitter Patter Petit Fours, or even Pitter Patter Penis Petit Fours for your shower.
And furthermore, don't worry one little bit about my Buffalo upbringing. Jamie's in charge of the food! She won't let me serve Labatt's Blue.
But I'm in charge of games and one of my favorite Buffalo Bridal shower games involves making a wedding dress out of toilet paper.