Saturday, March 12, 2011

The Jack and Jill Mystery

They were like Jack and Jill, skipping down the hall with their pail.

I was standing outside Ms. Sanford's 2nd grade class yesterday admiring the artwork posted on the walls when I noticed them. Jack and Jill were holding the bucket between them. They looked like they'd just stepped out of a Disney movie.

I couldn't help smiling.

Until I noticed the contents of their bucket.  

It was puke.

I walked over to Ms. Sanford and said, "Did you see that? It looked like those kids were carrying a bucket of puke down the hallway!"

"Oh, I'm sure it was. That looks just like my puke bucket"
"You have a puke bucket?"
"We all do."
I was stunned.

"Where were they going with the puke bucket?"
"Probably to the nurse."

I shook my head. I am so glad I decided not to be a school nurse when I grew up.

Now I know it's been a long time since I was in 2nd grade, but I know for a fact that we never had a puke bucket in our class. We puked on the floor when we got sick. And the teacher called the janitor, who had some kind of powder that smelled way worse than the puke. He sprinkled the powder over the puke like Parmesan Cheese and it was magically transformed into some sort of puke-play dough which the janitor whisked away.

There have been some incredible technological advances during the 100 or so years since I was in 2nd grade: smart phones, nanotechnology, and fuel cells, to name a few. And of course we cannot forget GPS's, I-Pads, and Wine Rack Sports Bras. Have there been no advances in puke cleanup technology in all those years?

And why in the world would this school take a step backwards from puke powder technology to puke pails (that cave men probably used to carry away their prehistoric vommit)?

It's very suspicious to me.

But I'm a nerdling and I love to solve puzzles, regardless of the level of difficulty.  

I've got it figured out. You may accuse me of watching too many episodes of Desperate Housewives, but I've narrowed it down to one of two possible explanations:

The principal learned that her husband is having an affair with the school nurse.
The principal is having an affair with the janitor.

Or both.

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