Saturday, November 22, 2014

The Box

My heart started racing when my secretary handed me the package.  It was, after all, November 13.  Not that far from the holidays.    

Some of our vendors send us candy for the holidays.

Delicious vendor candy.

My mouth began to water.

I was in a teleconference when the package arrived.  I decided to open the box right away, since the people I was meeting with could not see me.  And I was hungry.

I stealthily, and rather unsuccessfully, attempted to open the UPS box.  "Yes,"  I said into the speaker phone.  "That was an unexpected insight,"  I added, as I incompetently tugged on the paper tag attempting to open the box.

It snapped off. Crap. I grabbed the stubby end of the stubborn strip with my teeth.  "What?"  I said, "Oh, no.  That won't be a problem." 

The problem was opening the damn box.   I began to salivate.  This was getting ridiculous.

What exactly was in the box?  I hoped it wasn't chocolate covered fruit.  I hate chocolate covered fruit.  Fruit ruins chocolate.  It better be caramel.  Or mint.  Or chocolate chocolate.

Or chocolate with nuts.  I hadn't had eaten for 45 minutes and really needed some holiday vendor candy.

Doggone!   The strip broke off in my teeth.  I grabbed my scissors. 

"What?  Oh yeah, I'm still here," I said, while stabbing the box, " I was just....[stab] ..checking... [stab] ...the statistical...
[stab]... significance.  1.6345.. [stab]..90%.  Good."

I kept struggling.  OMG!  

I felt like I was in a Hitchcock movie.  How did they expect anyone to open these damn boxes?!?!?!   

A person could starve to death.

I was  about ready to eat my hand by the time I got that damn box opened.   I wiped the sweat off my brow as I reached into the UPS box and removed another box- a  white box with four words:  "Want deeper customer relationships?"  

"No," I said, panting heavily.  "I.  Want.  Chocolate."

Wait.  There was a photo of an i-Pad on the box.  WTH?  Did they have me confused with the CEO?

I held my breath as I opened the white box.

"Get your hands on a sea of behavioral data and watch customer relationships come alive."

OMG.  I could not believe my eyes.  This was not an i-Pad.  It was far more valuable than a stinkin' i-Pad.

This was a Sea Monkey Aquarium.

Holy stinkin' cow!

I looked left and right.  T
his was a true moment of truth. What should I do?  Should I contact Corporate Compliance about this gift? 

I know I should turn it in. 

But I always wanted to raise Sea Monkeys.  I hate that Kevin's an only child.

Hey Kevin!

Guess what!

to be continued....

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