Friday, November 7, 2014

Pooping Peanuts

I wish my dog pooped jewels.  But he doesn't.  He poops poop.  Plain old poop.

Avery's dog poops jewels.  Red jewels.  Probably rubies.

Avery is part of the Moxie Girlz  Poopsy Pet collection.    According to the Moxie girlz website, "the pets are cute- and just like magic, they have silly poop!"

Kevin's poop is not at all silly.

As a side note, while researching the Moxie Girlz Poopsy Pets, I googled  “I poop jewels” and was disturbed delighted to discover a whole new world of jewelry made of, you guessed it, poop.

Apparently moose poop makes very attractive earrings.  As does bird poop.  And quail droppings.

BTW, these earrings better be produced by some crazy-ass engineering geniuses, because the ear lobe is not that far from the nose.  And I don’t know about you, but I would not want the eau-de-moose poop wafting around my face all day.  

Even if they are swank as shit.

Back to those Moxie dolls.  They don’t just poop jewels.
This animal collection is truly extraordinary.  It contains a caboodle of crap.  There’s an elephant that poops peanuts, a panda that poops bamboo shoots, a tiger that poops striped eggs, and a unicorn that poops rainbows.

Yes.  You heard right.  A unicorn that poops rainbows.

It’s almost too good to believe!

I decided to take a trip to to  see what the reviewers had to say.

I was not disappointed.  They appear to love it! 

"This educational toy is great for teaching kids about pooping. Personally, I poop rainbow drops that feel like velvet and smell like orange sherbet, unless I eat chili, then its more like rose petal potpourri. If its just gas, then a rainbow beams out and swirls the room, wrapping itself around anyone in the room with a loving embrace."

"My life was incomplete without a rainbow-pooping unicorn amongst the many unique toys decorating my professional office. This newest conversation piece is, without question, the crème de la crème of the lot"

"Lots of poopin' fun! The only way they can top this rainbow-pooping unicorn is if they make a pet cat that poops out dead mice. Now THAT would be epic."
Seriously?  A cat pooping out dead mice?  

I couldn't agree less.  A cat pooping out dead mice would do absolutely nothing for me. 

Now a Pomeranian pooping tampons?

That, my dear readers,  would be legendary.

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