When he drops his ball at my feet and barks up at me, I feel relatively confident that he's saying, "Hey! Throw the ball! I want to run after it!"
But what if he's saying, "This ball smells like cat poop. Can you stick it in the dishwasher?"
There's really only one way to tell for sure. I need a Bow-lingual Dog Voice Translator.
I discovered the Bow-lingual Dog Voice Translator on the Japan Trend Shop Web site and it appears to be the perfect solution to my conundrum!
Except the Bow-lingual Dog Voice Translator would translate Kevin's voice into Japanese. And I don't speak Japanese.
Translating from Dog to Japanese to English would be way too much work for me. And beyond my capabilities.
I could find an English version of the Bow-lingual Dog Voice Translator. I checked Amazon.com and, SCORE!
Except, when I read the product review I realized...
There is a genuine risk to learning what your dog is actually saying.
In fact, one reviewer learned that his dog was making fun of him.
"Every time he barks he is saying something that mocks me! He makes fun of my weight, the way I dress, even the way I cook. He has such foul language too! I did not know a dog could cuss like that!"
I looked down at Kevin.
"You like me don't you, Kevin? You would never make fun of me, would you?"
Or maybe, "You look ridiculous in that outfit. And you can't carry a tune in a bucket, you #&%$$@ nerd."
Do I really want to know the truth? Maybe I'd be better off ignorant. I began to have doubts.
I sat down on the floor and looked Kevin directly in the eye and began to pet him. "Be honest with me, Kevin. You like me, right?"
He wagged his tail.
For crying out loud! How could I question Kevin's love for me? He is the sweetest dog in the world.
He wagged his tail some more and began to lick my hand enthusiastically.
"Oh, Kevin, how could I doubt you?"
He gave a cute little bark, as if to say, "Silly Lou. Of course I love you!"
"Your hand smells like your turkey sandwich. Is there any left in the fridge?"