Saturday, December 21, 2013

Thai Train Toilets

I knew Kimmy wouldn’t let me down.  After living on the other side of the world for almost a year, she came home with blog material galore!

Which, on the other hand, has left me with a very bad case of blog envy.

It’s one thing blogging about toilets in Thailand.  But it’s another thing experiencing them first hand.  Especially Thai Toilets on trains.

Damn her.

It’s really not fair. I would give anything to be able to walk down the aisle of that Thailand train, travelling from Bangkok to Surat Thani.  My bladder full of Tai Tea. 

I would open the door to the toilet and see 2 options: a squat pot and a regular toilet. 

Despite the fact that my squatting skills are not completely honed,  I would decide to take on the challenge of maintaining my balance as the train jolted from side to side.   (That's how stupid adventuresome I am.) 

I would pull down my unmentionables and assume my best plié.  As the train rounded a curve, I would look down to ensure that I remained on target.

That’s when I would notice something moving briskly in the pot.

Since I would not have my reading glasses with me in the Thai Train Toilet, careful examination of the contents of said squat pot would be impossible.

Hence, I would take the conservative route and opt for the regular toilet, rather than risk exposing my netherlands to whatever the hell was swimming in the pot.

I would lift the toilet lid and notice a similar movement in that toilet.  And I would come to the realization that Thai Train Toilets empty directly onto Thai Train Tracks

I would try not to gag, all the while thinking what a great blog topic this could be.

Sadly, the Thai Train Toilet is just a fantasy for me.  I did not get to experience the excitement of seeing railroad ties pass by, through the lens of a toilet bowl.  

It’s just not fair.  This could be the biggest case of blog envy ever.

You may think it could not get any better for Kimmy. 

You’re wrong.

Her friends Luke and Neil slipped between cars on the Thai Train to smoke.  

And got splashed. 

How lucky can you get?

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