Curling...Bah!

The winter Olympics are just around the corner. But have you ever considered the ‘sports’ that are included in these games? Besides the obvious skiing, bobsledding, hockey, and skating there’s an Olympic competition called the “Biathalon”, a combination of cross-country skiing and rifle shooting.

How did they ever come up with that? Do you know anyone who has ever gone cross country skiing with their rifle?

But what is even odder is the Curling competition. And no… Curling has nothing to do with hair.

Think of shuffleboard on ice. Teams of 2 players take turns sliding 42-pound polished granite stones down a sheet of ice towards a bulls eye while 3 other team members sweep the ice with brooms to make the stone speed up or change direction. I am not making this up. I fact, I played (or attempted to play) this once when I was in grad school in Bowling Green. (I was not sober).

It’s time for me to get on my soapbox. If they are going to include such lame sports as Biathalon and Curling, the Olympic Committee should consider a real sport: Quick Change Dressing (QCD). Here’s how it could work- The athletes would be on a team of ..say 61. When the gun goes off, the athlete must race in the dark through an obstacle course of people lined up in large, clunky costumes (some of whom should really not be there) to a location where 1 or more individuals remove the athlete’s clothing, shoes, jewelry and wig and replace it with completely different clothing, shoes, jewelry, and wig. The race is over when the athlete returns to the stage…err, starting block.

Teams would be penalized as follows:
· Costume not zipped up properly – 10-second penalty
· Wig Malfunctions (on backward, or incorrect wig, or no wig) -15 second penalty
· Knocking over teammates in obstacle course – 20 seconds per teammate
· Panting –(penalties equal to the duration of the panting).

The team with the fastest time would win the gold.

Quick Change Dressing. Now THAT’S a sport. And the only broom involved is in the wings…err, obstacle course.