skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Who said you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
Sure. I’ve never been able to successfully pull off a practical joke in my entire life.
But I’ve never had a Fake Nail Through the Finger before!
Just looking at it makes me giggle!!
But I can’t giggle. That’s always been my downfall. Whenever I attempt to pull off a prank, the snorting begins. All I have to do is look at the person I’m trying to prank and I start sniggering.
(Like the day I wore my bacon bandage to a meeting.)
But I was prepared this time. I developed a plan.
I knew I couldn’t just run to Dave with a nail through my bloody finger and say, “OMG! Look what happened to me! I just hammered a nail through my finger!”
He’d never buy it. He’s way too smart for that. He’d wonder why he hadn’t heard any hammering before my accident.
So I got a hammer and real nail and announced loudly that I was going to be hammering a nail into the wall. In fact, I showed him the new key holder that I purchased. “See this new key holder?” I said, holding it up proudly, not unlike Vanna White in Wheel of Fortune. “I’m going to hammer this into the wall next to the back door.”
Just for effects I said, “I better be careful not to hurt my finger, or anything.”
Dave ignored me.
“I mean, a hammer is a dangerous tool. Who knows what could happen if I miss the nail.”
Dave ignored me.
I left the room and implemented my plan. I hammered several times and screamed.
I put my fake nail and the bloody bandage around my finger, running dramatically into the family room, sounding remarkably like Meryl Steep and whimpered, “Dave! Look what I’ve done!”
He glanced at my finger and said, “I hope you didn’t spend more than a dime on that stupid thing.”
I must admit that I fell short of my goal. Although I did manage to pull off the stunt without one giggle, it was not convincing.
But I know where I went wrong.
I put it on the wrong appendage.
Dave would have completely fallen for the Fake Nail Through the Toe trick. Hook line and sinker.
It's not that I don't have good practical joke ideas. I do!
In fact, I'm a stinkin' practical joke idea genius!
The problem is executing the practical joke. You see, I have no poker face. I giggle.
Technically, my breakdown begins with a shaking body... you know the kind you get when you're in church and you notice the guy with the wedgie sitting in front of you?
But I'm optimistic this time. The Creepy Eyes Prank project is perfect for me. All I have to do is make the Creepy Eyes, slip them on Dave while he's sleeping, and take a picture. Who needs a poker face when the victim is asleep?
First I needed to shop for materials for my Creepy Eyes Prank project.
"Hey, Dave. Linda and I are going to WalMart." I start to snicker.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"Oh, nothing," I say.
Then I picture Dave with with Creepy Eyes and try with great difficulty to maintain my composure. "You'll find out later," I snort.
But a big play in the football game distracted Dave.
Whew. Dodged THAT bullet. Just wait.
I was so excited!
I got my supplies (ping pong balls and paint) and made my Creepy Eyeballs. I gave them a realistic bloodshot effect and added some eyelashes. Don't they look great?
Thank you.
All I had to do was wait for Dave to fall asleep on the couch, place the creepy eyeballs on his face and snap the picture.
But unfortunately, I have another teeny tiny character flaw that interferes with good practical joke execution.
A lack of patience.
Dave was sitting up on the couch. I waited and waited and waited. For 3 minutes...4 minutes.
I yawned. Because yawns are contagious. "Aren't you tired?" I asked.
"No."
"Why don't you lay down close your eyes?" I asked.
"I'm not tired."
I considered slipping him a roofie, but I didn't have one handy.
I waited another 45 seconds and couldn't stand it anymore.
"Dave, will you take a picture of me wearing my creepy eyeballs?" I asked.
He groaned and took the picture.
"Wait!" I said. "Let me add a mustache and grill. That will be so much more realistic!"
He reluctantly took another picture.
"Wait!" I said again, suddenly remembering my rubber nose.
"Just one more picture, OK?"
"Go away," he said.
But you know what?
My fake nose has a rubber band on it, which was quite effective in holding my creepy eyeballs in place so I could take my own picture!
Guess I fooled him! See? Who says I can't pull off a stinkin' practical joke?
