Saturday, April 1, 2017

The Thai Beach Massage

When the Thai Beach Massage Lady, let’s call her “Sasithorn”, reached under my prone body to slip the sports bra over my boobs I was confused.  What was she doing?  

Then she tried to jam my elbow into the bra’s armpit.
It appeared she was intent on “slipping it off.”

No, Sasithorn! This sports bra does not slip off.  It has never slipped off.  And you can’t make it slip off.

Trust me.  I’ve tried taking it off over my head. It rolls up like a sausage, mutating into a boa constrictor the farther north it gets.  
It is only exacerbated when my body is sweaty.  Say, like, when I’m on a beach in Thailand.

I started to giggle.  I had no choice.

Sasithorn was not about to give up, either.  The bottom of the sports bra was now resting above the girls and she was pushing my left elbow into my side in a valiant, yet hopeless attempt to remove that sports bra so she could begin my massage.

Since the only Thai word I knew was Chang, which is the brand of beer I had been drinking, I could not tell her that she was headed in the wrong direction.  The only way to get that sports bra off was to pull it down.  Over my hips.

By this point I was shaking with laughter.

But Sasithorn was steadfast.  She tried my right arm.


I thought about taking the sports bra off for her, but that would have required me to stand up and remove it by stepping out of it.  And considering that the bra was situated above my boobs, I opted to remain face down.    

So I giggled some more.

Sasithorn eventually gave up and began my back and shoulder massage.  And it did not take long for me to realize that a Thai Beach back and shoulder massage on a recently repaired torn Rotator Cuff was a big mistake.  

On a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 was no pain at all and 10 was having your toenails removed by a beaver, this was a 10.

Okay, maybe I am exaggerating.  Beavers have big teeth.  It was a 9.

At one point, while I was writing my will in my head, Sasithorn casually reached underneath me and pulled my sports bra back in place.  

Which got me giggling all over again.

After what seemed like three days, my one hour massage was finally done.  Sasithorn tapped me on my injured shoulder and motioned for me to flip over.  I sat up and attempted to adjust my sports bra, but it was pretty much glued to my body after all that action.   

I paid Sasitorn, said since I didn’t know how to say, “Thanks for the blog topic,” I simply said “Chang”.  

1 comment:

  1. Hahahaha! The vision of toenails removed by a beaver is almost as funny as a sports bra turned into a boa constrictor. I'm pretty impressed you still have the flexibility to wear a sports bra even with a bum shoulder, Lou. I gave up on those years ago! Chang!