It was actually my idea to take a Segway Tour of Winston-Salem, NC.
Me. Nearly a senior citizen. Recovering from Rotator Cuff surgery. Why the hell not?
Before starting, we had to watch a training video. I was a bit unnerved to learn that you drive these things by leaning.
Deanna, our tour guide, held my Segway in place as I climbed aboard. She told me to lean forward. And away I went!
She told me to lean back and I slowed and eventually came to a stop.
Next, I leaned to the right and turned in a clockwise circle. Leaned to the left and turned counter-clockwise.
I passed the mini-cone obstacle course with flying colors.
I named my segway "Trigger".
"Let's go, Trigger!" I said as I drove up and down the ramp. To slow Trigger down I just leaned back. To speed him up, I leaned forward.
And we set off on our tour. Trigger and I took up the rear behind my sister Linda and Deanna.
All went well until Deanna stopped us in front of an historic home.
"Woah, Trigger!" I leaned back. Then I started going in reverse. So I leaned forward. And went forward. There was no middle ground.
The only way I could find to stay put was to twirl in a circle.
Deanna: And this is the Kibler house which was built in 1848. Daniel Kibler was....Lou are you okay?
Lou: I'm fine. How do you stop this thing?
Deanna: Stop leaning to the right.
Lou: Like this?
Deanna: Watch out. You're going to hit me.
Deanna: Now you're going backward.
Lou: I think Trigger and I will twirl for a while.
Deanna: Let's move on.
And we continued our tour. Trigger and I were doing great! No problem at all. Until.
Deanna: Let's stop at this house for a minute.
Deanna: This house was built in 1849 by Ely Reynolds, a slave owner whose wife died while giving birth to his second child. Notice the slope of the roof. Lou, are you okay?
Lou: I'm fine. How do you stop? I forgot.
Deanna: Just stop leaning to the left. Stand up straight. Watch out. You're going to hit me. Again.
Lou: Oops. Sorry.
The rest of the tour went great! We never stopped.
At the risk of sounding arrogant, I've got killer Segway skills.
In fact, I think I'm going to quit my day job and become a mall cop.
And if I ever have to chase a shoplifter? No problem!
I'll round him right up.