I've tried wearing loose fitting clothes to hide my perfect body, but it really doesn’t deter them. My Hair Stockings are effective, as are my fake armpit toupees. But what if it’s too cold out for a skirt or sleeveless top?
Thankfully, I have discovered another option for averting advances. I'm pleased to report that I have sought and received medical advice. As a result, I should never again have to worry about unwanted advances.
Dr. Bukk's website contains a wide array of fake teeth which promise to drop me from a ten to a two.
(I know what you're thinking. Why not to a one? You can't expect miracles.)
There are 5 categories of teeth: Protruding, Mildly Annoying, Barf Alert, More Revolting, Halloween, and Cosmetic.
The hard part was choosing just one. I narrowed it down to four:
Summer Teef (Summer here and summer not.)
I also like The Final Four a lot. (We all have our priorities. What good are they iffen y'all can't see 'em?)
I believe the Smoker Teeth would be effective as well.
I really like the convenient built-in cigarette holder.
When I saw the Incest Teeth I knew my search was over. It even comes with a free gum sore.
Incest Teeth are guaranteed to "clear out a crowd." Perfect!
The teeth come in two shades: normal and light. I picked the normal shade, as it is the color of pond scum.
I sure hope this works.
Some of these men are quite persistent.