Sunday, June 23, 2013

Discouraging Attention

I was absolutely dreading my upcoming beach vacation.

It is so unfair.

Most people are able to completely relax at the beach, enjoying the warm ocean breezes while sipping adult beverages. 

But not me.

You see, men constantly hit on me.  Interrupt my logic puzzles. 

I try and let them down nicely.  "No, I'm sorry.  I would love to go para-sailing with you, Frank.  But I have a very jealous husband."  

Before I could begin to focus on the next clue in my logic puzzle, another man would approach, offering a tour of the inter-coastal on his yacht.  

"I told you yesterday, Donald.  I'm happily married.  Oh, come on, Donald.  Don't cry.  There are plenty of other beautiful woman for you."

"I know, Donald.  You may have to lower your standards a bit, but you'll find someone." 

It's exhausting. 

Donald would leave with his head hung low and I would attempt to re-focus on my logic puzzle.  Next thing you know Manuel would approach from my right with a margarita, inviting me to go salsa dancing.

OMG!  How could I EVER finish this 5-star logic puzzle under these conditions? 

Thankfully, this will no longer be a problem for me!   You see, my friend Caroline has turned me on to the latest invention from China, Hair Stockings, designed to ward off perverts. 

And I believe Hair Stockings will help my cause.

It was quite easy to make my own pair of Hair Stockings.  All I needed was beige fishnet tights, hairy black yarn and a crochet hook.

My Black Hair Stockings will not only allow me solve logic puzzles un-interrupted for hours at a time, they are SPF 100.  (Yes, I am a stinkin' genius.)

I tested them out at the pool.

The most challenging part of this project was getting Linda to go to the pool with me to take the picture.   

"Are you kidding, Mom?  What if there are people at the pool?" 

"Nobody will be there.  And if there are, we'll tell them it's for my blog." 

"No way, Mom!" 

So I paid her.

I'm a little worried that my Black Hair Stockings will not deter all men.  I mean, given the over-powering nature of my beauty, they may not notice my black hairy legs. 

But, as always, I have a Plan B:

1 comment:

  1. AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaargh!
    The overpowering nature of your beauty cannot be denied.