Sunday, January 25, 2015

One Leg Up

I admit it.  Sometimes my enthusiasm for projects causes me to jump in too fast.

Some might call me fearless.

Others may call me stupid.

But how difficult could it possibly be to make a lamp out of my new leg?  

Certainly, the hardest part would be finding a shoe that fit on her foot.  I mean, besides Barbie, whose foot is shaped like that? 

I tried on some of my own shoes. They looked ridiculous.

Before heading out to Warehouse Shoes with my leg, I decided to look in Kimmy’s room.  SCORE!

So I headed to Target to find the perfect lamp shade and then to the fabric center, where I found some lovely, funky red fringe that perfectly matched my leg’s new shoe. 

I was almost done!

I stopped at Lowes to pick up the other stuff.  You know, the cord and the thingee that holds the lamp shade on.  Oh, and the what-cha-ma-call-it.  You know....  That thing with the button that you push to turn the light on. 

I carried my leg into Lowes and asked the girl in the Lighting department to show me what I needed to buy in order to make a lamp out of my new leg.  She told me I would have to come back on Monday.  When the Electrician was there.  


So I went to Home Depot.   A very nice guy, let’s call him “Joe”, directed me to the wall of lamp stuff.  But when I pulled out my leg, Joe immediately got on his walkie-talkie and called in the big gun, Herman. 

 “Hey Herman,” Joe said, pointing to my leg.  “This lady wants to make a lamp out of that leg.”

Herman and Joe circled my leg, touching it tentatively at first, then lifting and shaking it. 
Well, not my real leg.  My new leg.
Did I mention that the top of my (new) leg was not level to the ground?  Apparently the slant makes the project significantly more complicated.

“Listen, lady” said Herman, shaking his head.  “That is not an easy project.”

Then they started their tech talk.  (They were probably trying to impress me.)  Dropping words like 3-way socket.  And threaded rod.  And lamp pipe.  

And electrocuted.

That’s when I had a scathingly brilliant epiphany. 

My leg would make a lovely vase!

But then again... 

Who says a lamp needs to light up?   

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