Friday, January 10, 2014

Managing Customer Expectations

I’ve always got my eyes open for exciting new products to showcase in my mall kiosk.  And I hit pay dirt when I discovered F-Cup cookies on the Japan Trend Shop website.

Clearly, F-Cup cookies would make a fine addition to my product mix.   

I was certain that, with proper marketing, F-Cup cookies could be more popular than even the 2014 Furby.  In fact, they could potentially outsell the next generation I-Phone.

After all, who doesn’t want an F-cup?

I developed my pricing strategy.  I believe consumers would spend up to $29.99 for a box of cookies that will expand one’s bust to an F-Cup.

Unfortunately,  the cost of the cookies ($22 plus $12 shipping and handling) was excessive.  I would have to find a cheaper product source.

The obvious solution would be for me to manufacture my own F-Cup cookies.   After all, I am rather good in the kitchen.  (And, at the risk of appearing arrogant, I am a summa cum laude graduate of Michaels's Cake Decorating Class.)

I looked closely at the F-Cup advertising copy.  F-Cup cookies include a 50 mg dose of the Pueraria Mirifica plant, which is, apparently, the special ingredient which “boost your assets” (their words, not mine).

So, all I would have to do is get my hands on some Pueraria Mirifica plants and bake them into cookies. 

No problem.

But I quickly discovered that neither Lowes nor Home Depot sells Pueraria Mirifica plants. 

So I did some more research.  OMG.  This is one potent plant.  According to Wikpedia,

“The benefits of this this medicine is to support memory, talk big, and be able to remember three books of the astrology, make the skin smooth like six year old kid, live more than 1,000 years and parasite diseases are not able to be of trouble.”

So my Nerdling F-Cup cookies would not only boost a woman’s assets to an F-cup, but would increase her memory so she could remember not 1, not 2, but 3 books of astrology, make her skin smooth like a 6-year old kid, and live more than 1,000 years with no parasites?

Wait. One. Minute. 

I was completely on board until I read that a 1,000 year old would have skin as smooth as a 6-year old.  Come on!  My mama didn’t raise no fool.   

There is no way in the world any one over the age of, say, 980 years of age would have skin as smooth as a 6-year old. 

Not to mention that parasite thing.

I mean, I would think women with F-cups be parasite magnets.

That brand promise is way too lofty for my Nerdling F-Cup cookies.  I have a reputation to protect.  I’ll just stick with the basics. 

Nerdling F-Cup Cookies will increase your bust size to an F-cup.  And increase your memory so that you can remember not 1, not 2, but 3 books of astrology telephone numbers. 

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