Saturday, October 5, 2013

The Stool Stool

It was the product’s name that first got my attention.

But it did not take me long to recognize the significance of this amazing apparatus with the noteworthy name.  

The Squatty Potty, fits around the base of your toilet and allows you to squat, rather than sit, on your toilet seat.  

Apparently, I’ve been assuming an incorrect pooping position my entire life, potentially risking my colon and other unspeakable mysteries from within the depths of my netherlands.   

As you know, one of the underlying goals of this blog is to educate my readers (and simultaneously raise your IQs and increase your chances of breaking 1200 on the SAT.) 

You’re welcome.

To that end, allow me to explain the science of elimination.  

It is really quite simple.  The colon, which is 3-6 feet long, moves poo to the butt for elimination.  And, at the risk of getting too technical, sitting on the throne partially blocks the flow of poo, and often requires significant effort to achieve success.  

However, when perched upon the Squatty Potty, “the movements slide right out.”  In fact, according to research conducted by an Israeli scientist, when squatting, subjects averaged 51 seconds to move their bowels, compared with 130 seconds when sitting on a high toilet. 

Now that's a compelling statistic.

The Squatty Potty sounded good, but I was still a bit skeptical.  To that end, I read some reviews on

"This product will help you go when you couldn't go and will help you go well when your going wasn't good. It will even keep the going good when it is good. It is all do to the squat. Quite a magical product."

"Not going into huge detail here but here's the honest truth.I WILL NEVER BE W/OUT ONE OF THESE - FREAK'N AWESOME."

"Often I would have to do it twice each a regular toilet seat never allows the rectal vault to completely empty."

OMG.  I want my own Squatty Potty.   My own stool stool.

Except the Squatty Potty is $64.99.  Way out of my blog budget.

I could always try the yellow pages, and I’m not talking about letting my fingers do the walking.  

But we only had one and I probably needed at least 3 more.   

That’s when I had my epiphany. 

 I could use my go-to accessory.  It was sitting out in the garage and really hadn't been used in years.

Not since Gypsy.  

Introducing the Nerdling Squatty Potty Pogo Stick.   

Coincidentally, my rectal vault was full.

And, at the risk of getting too personal, I will answer the question you undoubtedly have in your heads.  

45 seconds.

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