Bumper Dumping

I never intended to publish 3 toilet-themed posts in a row.  

I have a reputation to protect.  Notes from a Nerdling is a highly intellectual, educational blog.

Stop laughing.   

It really was unintentional.  I accidentally happened upon the Bumper Dumper while innocently surfing the web.  

Come on, guys?  How could I possibly resist sharing this amazing apparatus with my readers?

The Bumper Dumper is exactly as it sounds: a toilet seat attached to a steel frame that hooks on to a trailer hitch converting the back of your vehicle into your very own port-a-potty. 

I mean, think about it.  This product is life changing!  No more having to wait for nasty, inconvenient road side rests!  

If you have to “drop a deuce” (I learned that from the Poo-Pourri commercial), all you have to do is pull over to the side of the road, attach your Bumper Dumper to the trailer hitch and drop!

And, like Poo-Pourri, Bumper Dumper has a kick-ass slogan: "When it comes to #2, we are #1”.  
 
And it is sturdy.  Bumper Dumper will hold up to 500 pounds.  (Doesn’t that just elicit the most disturbing fascinating images?)

The Bumper Dumper sells for $59.99. 

Being a cheapskate frugal, I would never spend that much money without first reading product reviews on Amazon.com. 

And I’m so glad I did! This guy had a lot of good advice:

Forget the bucket, just use the ring seat and this device can be, all kidding aside, a lifesaver. Toss the five gallon bucket, it's useless and the manufacturer just puts that on the photos so the EPA doesn't make a stink about it.

That’s great, because the Bumper Dumper does not come with a bucket! 

And check out these great user tips!

Keep feet out in front of you like you're on an elementary school swing--the ground splatter can be unsightly on your Gore-tex hikers.

Woah.  That's good to know.

Sometimes it's nice to relax, grab an LL Bean sale catalog, drink some java and enjoy the morning. The bumper dumper allows you to be civil and to really pass the time outdoors. I hold my pinkie out when I drink from my coffee cup on the bumper dumper. I probably wouldn't bother with that if I was just taking a dookie over a log.

"Can someone please pass the Grey Poupon." You'll feel like King Edward on his throne gazing down on his subjects: a squirrel, a blue jay, a couple of chipmunks, an army of ants. That's the cool thing about this dumper. It makes you feel all kingly. 

 What a fantastic customer experience!  I’ve got goosebumps.

Tip: if you are using this product in an urban setting--for instance, parallel parked next to a busy sidewalk-- it's crucial to wear a rain poncho so that it hangs down below the seat and keeps you covered. Passersby will think you're just sitting on a chair, expecting rain and reading a newspaper. Just wave to them, as cool as a cucumber, like nothing’s going on.

That will be no problem for me at all, considering my brilliant acting skills.

I do suggest, however, that you hold the poncho out to the sides at the moment of purge as any ill-timed breeze will blow the plastic cloth right under the seat. Not good. Trust me, it's a real bear to drive a few hundred miles in the humid summertime with a "dirty poncho" under your seat. I've made this ghastly error once. Notice, I said "once".
 
On second thought...

I think I’ll wait for the rest stop.