Sunday, June 30, 2013

Guidance Counselor Barbie

Kids these days have it so damn easy.

When I was exploring careers, I had to do research.  Read books.  Thick books.  In the Guidance Counselor's office.


Do you how much work was involved in narrowing down my list of potential careers from sheepherder to nerd? 


Damn straight.

I couldn't just turn to my Barbie doll for career options. Like this generation can.

Nope.  The only thing I could do with my Barbie Doll was dress her up.  And try and get those stinkin' shoes to stay on her stupid pointy feet.

If only Barbie I Can Be Dolls had been around when I was a kid.  Who knows what I may have become.

I could have been a Pancake Chef!  

(I could also have been a Pancake Chef-African American, although I'm not exactly sure how that would have worked.)

What if I had owned an I Can Be a Splash and Spin Dolphin Trainer Barbie Doll? 

As a matter of fact, I had (and still have) an astonishing aptitude for splashing and a spinning.  If only I had known that those traits were transferrable to Dolphin Training. 

I could have been a Splash and Spin Dolphin Trainer. 

The list of I Can Be careers is nearly infinite: from Panda Caretaker to President!  From Pet Vet to Architect.  From McDonalds Worker to..

Paleontologist!


Sigh.

I could have been a Paleontologist.  I think a Paleontologist sounds so dignified and impressive.

I wonder what it is?

It's probably someone who helps movie stars find their lost diamonds.

Damn.

Wonder why Mattel never released an I Can be a Nerd Barbie Doll?



One can only imagine how I might have turned out with a little encouragement from Barbie.

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