Completely Wiped Out

It wasn't my finest moment.

We were at the Augusta Burn Center, where Dave was being treated.  He had seriously burned his hands while attempting to light the water heater pilot.   (He'd thought the gas was off, but it was on.  He lit the match and........ boom.)

It was quite a scare.  Both of Dave's hands were wrapped up in gauze and we were waiting for the doctor's prognosis.   He finally returned with the good news that Dave needed surgery on only one of his hands.  "Thank God!" I said.

Dave mistook my visible relief for empathy, and gave me a pathetic smile.  

"So he'll be able to wipe his butt, right?"  I asked the doctor.

Don't judge. 

Those of you who would enthusiastically and willingly  wipe your significant other's butt, please raise your hands.

Liars.

My mind had been spinning ever since I'd met Dave at the hospital and observed his mittened hands.  When was the last time he ate?  What if I don't feed him for a while? 

But it would not have been an issue had I  known about The Comfort Wipe. 
 
The Comfort Wipe is a device (surprisingly) not invented by the Japanese.  It is the "answer to personal hygiene- when reaching is difficult."   
 
It's the coolest invention ever.  You just stick toilet paper onto the end of the Comfort Wipe wand and..well... wipe.  It extends your reach 18-inches and it contains a unique release button for fast sanitary disposal.

But it's $19.99 plus shipping and handling.

I decided to make my own Comfort Wipe.  To that end, Kevin and I drove to the Dollar Store.  I had the perfect product in mind, but, sadly, they were out of stock.   

Then I noticed the Pointing Finger.    

Plan B it was! 

All I needed was a rubber band.

It's critical that you field test all products before introducing them into the market, and I'm certainly glad I tested my prototype.  It worked fine in the wiping process.

Unfortunately, the disposal was not exactly smooth.  I attempted to fling the toilet paper off the finger, but it never flung.

And I realized that if my product was going to effectively compete with the Comfort Wipe, it needed an ejection feature. I reverted to my original idea: Plan A.

And my Plan A is way cooler than the original Comfort Wipe, which only comes in one color.

The Nerdling Comfort Wipe not only comes in multiple colors, it comes in multiple animal designs.   Which would you rather have wiping your butt?

With that said, I have not completely given up on my Pointing Finger.  I am going to re-purpose it.

It could make a killing in the adult sex toy market.