Thursday, December 13, 2012

Sarandipity? Not.

I know you are going to find this hard to believe, but there is one area of domesticity which I have not yet mastered.  Nor will I ever.

The fine art of Saran Wrap.

Don't believe me?  

Well, look at my war wounds!  And all I was trying to do was put away the damn Tin Foil!

At the risk of appearing cynical, I believe that stinkin' Saran Wrap did it on purpose.  Intentionally bit my fingers.  Tried to saw them off at the knuckles.

And forgive me for mentioning the obvious, but losing my fingers above the knuckles would completely ruin my life as a blogger.  How could I type?   I would be permanently disabled.  And disfigured.

I know what you're thinking. 

Yes, I need a manicure. 

But you're probably also thinking the it was my own fault.  

You couldn't be more wrong.  The box has a 14 inch scalpel hanging off the side of it. 

(A 14-inch dagger which I've never in my entire life been able to use to cut a piece of Saran Wrap.)

Instead I end up with a jagged piece of plastic tangled up in itself.  
The rest of the triangle has been absorbed into the plastic roll in the box, impossible to find without a magnifying glass and a 5 million candlepower spotlight.

I think I may need stitches. 

I cannot believe that a household product like Saran Wrap has a such a menacing machete hanging off the side of it.   Just waiting to attack  an innocent Domestic Goddess such as myself.

What if this gets infected?  Or if I have scars?

Plastic surgery is expensive, from what I understand.  Maybe I need a lawyer.  One from a billboard.  I think they are the best.

Johnson and Johnson should have warned me of the inherent risks associated with the Saran Wrap box.  It should have come with a warning label.

They should put a warning label on the box so bloggers like myself aren't permanently disfigured from the skewer on the side of the box (like I have been).

The warning label could go right above the dagger that's attached to the box.


Caution: Cutting edge is sharp.  Avoid contact.

Damn lawyers think of everything.  

It's right next to the warning; do not use this product in cribs, beds, carriages or playpens. 

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